How not to book an escort,world championships!
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lili69

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2925 on: June 13, 2012, 02:00:44 PM »
Thanks to all the great advice on this wonderful site my TW antennae are now finely tuned, its nice not to be taken in by them and have your time wasted.  :)
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JodieTs

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2926 on: June 14, 2012, 05:53:40 PM »
Quote from: orchidperfume on June 08, 2012, 07:24:52 AM
He then says "do you do car meets?"
I just put the phone down on him!
Why not ask an escort for what she dosnt do and waste her time !!!!!!
I think you were a bit mean.
After all you advertise you are an escort,
so it's reasonable for him to assume you are a Ford Escort.

Out of interest, are you a Mk1, Mk2 or an RS turbo?  ;D
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Remember, this is the Internet:
where men are men, women are men,
and I'm actually a 13 year old schoolgirl pretending to be an 
under-cover FBI agent, pretending to be an Escort.

The Bureau accepts no liability, for the consequences of following any "advice" given out by Jodie.

Mellow

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2927 on: June 14, 2012, 08:25:19 PM »
Got this one direct to my email (therefore NOT from AW)

I AM MARK P*** FROM UK,YOU CAN REACH ME ON
(+44702*********) I WILL NEED YOU
ON MY VACATION TOUR TO AFRICA ON THE 26TH OF JUNE AND I WILL BE THERE
FOR 8DAYS, I WILL NEED YOU TO ESCORT ME TO AFRICA IN NIGERIA.I JUST
CHECK YOUR ADS OUT AND FOUND YOU SO COOL AND DECIDED PICK YOU .PLEASE
MAIL ME BACK IF YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME. I AM READY TO OFFER YOU A GOOD
SUM. HOPE 2,000 POUNDS PER DAY FOR ONE WEEK (8DAYS) IS OK. AND AN
UPFRONT WILL BE PAID TO YOU EVEN BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR STATE.ALL
NECESSARY DOCUMENT WILL BE ARRANGED BY ME SO FEEL FREE TO GET BACK TO
ME ASAP. LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING BACK FROM YOU. PLEASE GET BACK TO ME
ONLY IF YOU ARE WILLING TO GO WITH ME . PLEASE DO GET BACK TO ME ASAP
BECAUSE OF OTHER THINGS AT HAND BECAUSE AM ALWAYS BUSY.LOL HERE IS MY
MAIL markp******@gmail.com JUST MAIL ME BACK OKAY?

Yeh I'm so packing my bags, especially since I get an upfront paid to me even before I go............ ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
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ilovedots

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2928 on: June 15, 2012, 04:00:30 PM »
Hello Alice,

You look divine; I'd love to meet you. A little about me, I have been told that I am a cross between Pierce Brosnan and George Peppard, (shame the latter is dead). 6ft tall trim and quite muscular. I'm on holiday right now so, also tanned.


the rest of the message is perfectly polite and normal, but the above paragraph just made me giggle so much  ;D Bless him!

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casey_kisses

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2929 on: June 15, 2012, 04:38:49 PM »
Quote from: ilovedots on June 15, 2012, 04:00:30 PM
Hello Alice,

You look divine; I'd love to meet you. A little about me, I have been told that I am a cross between Pierce Brosnan and George Peppard, (shame the latter is dead). 6ft tall trim and quite muscular. I'm on holiday right now so, also tanned.


the rest of the message is perfectly polite and normal, but the above paragraph just made me giggle so much  ;D Bless him!

The question really is does he mean a young George Peppard or an old one? Because the older he got the less attractive he became! (contrary to the belief that most men get more good looking as they age)

xx
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bananamuffin

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2930 on: June 15, 2012, 04:58:19 PM »
Yes indeed, some men age distinguished, others don't.

There's a whole lot more nostril hair and ear hair as well. Yeuch.

This has made me laugh cos I know of the name George Peppard but can't really think who he is (must Google him in a minute) and am hoping it means I'm too young to remember him (which would be a first in a very long time lol!!!0.

Just googled - yes, I recall him now. Breakfast at Tiffany's - he was good looking in that but looks like he may have taken to the booze later in life (a route I am currently following!!) after a very stressful week.

As to the message this guy sent - ahhh, bless! He sounds ok really doesn't he!!  God, if half of him is Pierce Brosnan I'd be ever so happy myself - yum. Good dry sense of humour always goes down well with me!!
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JodieTs

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2931 on: June 15, 2012, 11:18:29 PM »
An occasional client.
{He has tried this shit before}

            Tosser: i will have to pay tomorrow but i will give you my watch in the meantime
            Tosser: hey trust me i promise
Annoyed Jodie: In the words of George Bush: "Not on my watch "
                         I'm a porn hooker
                         Not a pawn Broker.   ;D


Edit  I'm not really annoyed. I'm lying in my waterbed, watching a movie on youtube Monster True story about a serial killer prozzie, who killed clients.
While listening to Mr Jodie (on the phone) witter on about his accountant not correctly applying capitol depletion to the fleet of 4x4's.  I think he's saying he's paid too much tax.  God I'm trying to concentrate on serial killings.
(Poetic licence on that bit as she hasn't killed the first person yet) 
« Last Edit: June 15, 2012, 11:31:04 PM by JodieTs »
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Remember, this is the Internet:
where men are men, women are men,
and I'm actually a 13 year old schoolgirl pretending to be an 
under-cover FBI agent, pretending to be an Escort.

The Bureau accepts no liability, for the consequences of following any "advice" given out by Jodie.

Clarabella

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2932 on: June 16, 2012, 12:28:21 PM »
Quote from: JodieTs on June 15, 2012, 11:18:29 PM
An occasional client.
{He has tried this shit before}

            Tosser: i will have to pay tomorrow but i will give you my watch in the meantime
            Tosser: hey trust me i promise
Annoyed Jodie: In the words of George Bush: "Not on my watch "
                         I'm a porn hooker
                         Not a pawn Broker.   ;D


Edit  I'm not really annoyed. I'm lying in my waterbed, watching a movie on youtube Monster True story about a serial killer prozzie, who killed clients.
While listening to Mr Jodie (on the phone) witter on about his accountant not correctly applying capitol depletion to the fleet of 4x4's.  I think he's saying he's paid too much tax.  God I'm trying to concentrate on serial killings.
(Poetic licence on that bit as she hasn't killed the first person yet)
  Jodie, you are one crazy chick haha.  Love it!  :-*

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"But I don't want to go among mad people', Alice remarked.  'Oh, you can't help that', said the Cat.  'We're all mad here.  I'm mad.  You're mad'.  ''How do you know I'm mad?', said Alice.  'You must be', said the Cat.  'Or you wouldn't have come here.''

Clarabella

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2933 on: June 16, 2012, 12:32:15 PM »
Jeez, had this little charmer the other day.  Made my stomach turn.


"hello

i require a live in babysitter to work in our home in london, woking

i can pay upto 500 a month. accomodation, meals, internet etc will be free

need an open minded female who can be secretly intimate with me too. i am 32 yrs old and live with a wife and kids

if interested, drop me a line. we can chat either on phone or skype whichever you prefer

thanks"

What a total F.R.E.A.K  >:(  Pisses me off when clients bring children into their sordid little fantasies.  Wanted to give him a piece of my mind and tell him what I thought of him.  But sigh... what would that achieve. 

Hope you are all having a productive week! xx
 
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"But I don't want to go among mad people', Alice remarked.  'Oh, you can't help that', said the Cat.  'We're all mad here.  I'm mad.  You're mad'.  ''How do you know I'm mad?', said Alice.  'You must be', said the Cat.  'Or you wouldn't have come here.''

xw5

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2934 on: June 16, 2012, 01:01:08 PM »
I don't think that they are - I read this as 'need a cheap live-in mistress, must double as au pair..'

So yes, complete shit, but not necessarily wanting sex with the kids.
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Brown Eyed Girl

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2935 on: June 16, 2012, 01:21:39 PM »
He’s been sending that email for months, I’ve had it several times, shocking he can’t find anyone to take him up on such an amazing offer!  ::)
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Clarabella

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2936 on: June 16, 2012, 02:31:58 PM »
Quote from: xw5 on June 16, 2012, 01:01:08 PM
I don't think that they are - I read this as 'need a cheap live-in mistress, must double as au pair..'

So yes, complete shit, but not necessarily wanting sex with the kids.

No, I didn't mean involvement with the children in that sense.  I was referring to the knob having no regard for the children etc.  Definitely a weirdo in any case.  On par with the homosexual men that keep emailing me with requests to send them all my used condoms for cash  :-X  Apparently, the guy and his partner reeeeeally find it a turn-on to play with them.  Lol, anyone else had that one yet?!  I hate to be judgemental but.. GAG..!!
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"But I don't want to go among mad people', Alice remarked.  'Oh, you can't help that', said the Cat.  'We're all mad here.  I'm mad.  You're mad'.  ''How do you know I'm mad?', said Alice.  'You must be', said the Cat.  'Or you wouldn't have come here.''

PoshTotty

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2937 on: June 16, 2012, 02:55:46 PM »
Hello. I’m new to this forum but have been an escort for many years, but this year has been the worst for timewasters and idiots, mainly via email, so I’m glad I found this thread! Here are a few of my recent gems...

After a client asked if he could watch me masturbate during a booking he said, “Did you masturbate this evening by any chance?”
Ignore. (But what I would like to say in return “None of your damn business”).


After a man asked how often I orgasm with clients (which I managed to deflect somewhat) he replied with, “I expect you're off to fuck your boyfriend now and you get plenty of orgasms with him anyway so you don't need them at work”.
Ignore. (But what I would like to say in return “None of your damn business”). Plus I never mentioned my BF.


And this email:
Him: Hi PT. Would you be happy having sex in my car on your discreet driveway? [Wanker]
Me: Hello [wanker]. Thanks for your email, but I’m afraid I don’t offer that, sorry. PT.
Him: Prefer on the bonnet then do ya? Lol
Him (20 minutes later): You wouldn't do it on the bonnet then?
Ignore.


And another:
Him: Hi PT. Do you ever get on skype, webcam or anything like that?
Me: [blah] no [blah]
Him: Hi. Ok. I thought seeing you're on webcam in the evenings you'd let me talk to you on it.
As I’m not on webcam I don’t know how he could possibly have seen me. Ignore.


"I've seen you posting on punternet a few times, do you mind if I ask which guys from punternet you've fucked? Or mind if I have a guess?"
(eh?! Why?)


"I'd like to book an appointment with you but I do have one concern that I'm unsure about. If your boyfriend is so good in bed your not going to enjoy it with me or other guys are you?"
(I have never mentioned my sex god BF!)


Him: Hi PT. Your very loud when you orgasm When did you last orgasm like that at work? [wanker]
Me: ignore


Another:
Him: PT, I'd love to run a finger inbetween your pussy lips feeling how wet you are. Just teasing your pussy and feeling your wetness :)
Me: (feeling rather dry in the pussy department) ignore
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PoshTotty

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2938 on: June 16, 2012, 03:21:28 PM »
Quote from: Coty on May 12, 2012, 05:00:27 PM
I had the opposite last night....mind you at least he had the decency to ask.

"Can I send to a pic of my cock?"

Hmmm, no you're alright thanks......BLOCK!

It's great when they ask that. I always feel like replying "Oh yes please, I'm not sure what a penis looks like" ::)
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Coty

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Re: How not to book an escort,world championships!
« Reply #2939 on: June 16, 2012, 04:43:39 PM »
Quote from: PoshTotty on June 16, 2012, 03:21:28 PM
Quote from: Coty on May 12, 2012, 05:00:27 PM
I had the opposite last night....mind you at least he had the decency to ask.

"Can I send to a pic of my cock?"

Hmmm, no you're alright thanks......BLOCK!

It's great when they ask that. I always feel like replying "Oh yes please, I'm not sure what a penis looks like" ::)

LOL

That's actually the first time anyone ever asked me! They usually just send them...URGH...hate it. Also won't follow anyone on twitter with a dick pic....just don't want to be looking at it thanks!

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"A woman who sells herself to buy bread for her aged mother or her child, stands upon a higher moral plane than the blushing maiden who marries a money bag, in order to gratify her frivolous appetite for parties and travel."
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