partner wants me to stop seeing reg

[louiseescort]

I have been  seeing a regular for about 2 years once a week.
My boyfriend has always been fine about my job.  I was doing it before I met him and we have a child together.
He has the odd pang of jealousy bit nothing to major and to be expected really.
However he has said he is not comfortable with me seeing this guy and he thinks we are to friendly with each other.
He texts me through the week (friendly nothing sinister) and I do reply. He is single no kids and has a decent job.
I do understand where my other half is coming from and he clearly feels threatened.
He has said he doenst want me to see him anymore as it is driving him mad.
I am to cut contact.
Just wanted some advice on what to say to the guy, do I be honest with him? I am not sure he is aware I am in a relationship.  The question has never come up. It is not something I talk about to clients!
Or do I just give him a one liner?
It is a bit frustrating for me as it is regular income for me, but I am sure I cannot make my partner see otherwise.

Thanks

[Lushblossom]

Nothing wrong with just telling him the truth really.

[Miss-M]

Hi Louise x

I have a hubby and we always said if either of us feel uncomfortable with what I do, to be honest and tell me, and I would stop....either seeing a client or the job!

Relationship or money? ....mine would be relationship full stop x

Hope this helps x

[Miss-M]

Whoops read to fast....

Just tell client the situation and tell him your in a relationship and hopefully he understands, and as you have said he is ' a nice guy ' hopefully he will be understandable x

Sorry for previous post, early morning coffee needed to wake up properly x lol 

[Nia Hope]

My partner has asked me to stop seeing one if my regulars too, I didn't promise I wouldn't but said I would only see him during slow periods just for financial reasons, don't do anything behind his back is my advice, be straight up with him if you value the relationship x

[sourgrapes]

I would simply ask the client to restrict his texting to when he's actually making a booking. Just say it's causing problems in your private life. No need to over-explain.

Or maybe not tell the boyfriend who's texting you? No reason why he should know - it's a professional relationship, right? Maybe you talk about the client too much at home? It's a thing called "mentionitis", and it's bound to worry your other half. I would try not to lose the client - financial independence is a wonderful thing.

[louiseescort]

No definitely dont mention work unless asked and I wouldn't want to lie about it.
The guy text me yesterday arranging Outcall for Saturday and that's when it started.
Boyfriend asked who was texting me so late for me to reply and I told him.
I am not bothered about cutting contact as it is only professional not emotional  just wanted help with what to say

[sourgrapes]

Ah, maybe something simple like turning the phone off every day at a certain time, so the job doesn't always intrude into private family time. Every time a text comes in your other half gets reminded of what you do. Even if you think he's ok with your job (lets face it, the money is good) there's some little part of him that resents it and worries about it. Maybe you can have your cake and eat it if you set certain boundaries in terms of communications.

[Rosa]

My partner treats my business as my business. He might sometimes show concern if clients or the work is bothering me or intruding into my non-work time.

My advice would be to keep contact to within your working hours.

[Hotblondie]

I would tell the client to text only when he books because he needs to understand you are an escort not a sex chat.
If your bf doesnt see your clients, he shouldnt know you still see that regular, maybe you can change the hours/days when he comes so your bf wont know you still see him.
After all, is no point in losing a 2 years old regular over a bit of jealousy.

[roxy666]

Ah, maybe something simple like turning the phone off every day at a certain time, so the job doesn't always intrude into private family time. Every time a text comes in your other half gets reminded of what you do. Even if you think he's ok with your job (lets face it, the money is good) there's some little part of him that resents it and worries about it. Maybe you can have your cake and eat it if you set certain boundaries in terms of communications.

+1

I think this is a very good point and good idea. Having your work phone switched off once your at home and doing family time should help ease any tension he has, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would appreciate not being reminded with every text and call that came through.

As for the regular, if your happy to let him go, then cut him off, just be honest with him, he will respect you for that. But be careful, keep an eye on things as you don't want to get in a situation where your bloke calls all the shots and stops you seeing half your clients before you've even realised he's becoming controlling because he can't handle your job. He probably won't, and I hope he doesn't, but you've got to think of these possibilities so you can deal with them swiftly and nip them in the bud  xox

[roseanna]

I would tell the client to text only when he books because he needs to understand you are an escort not a sex chat.
If your bf doesnt see your clients, he shouldnt know you still see that regular, maybe you can change the hours/days when he comes so your bf wont know you still see him.
After all, is no point in losing a 2 years old regular over a bit of jealousy.

I've had this issue before and I completely agree. I think the problem you have is allowing the texting to invade your family life. We all do it, but you have to switch the phone off sometime. It's like a wake up call.

I wouldn't want to lose a long standing regular like that. Partners always feel uncomfortable with detail however laid back about the job they are. I would tell the client you can't make this weekend and let him resume after a few days break. BF need not know the details of who you see and when, but you can at least tell him you have denied the guy the outcall. When they start feeling entitled to know all about what clients you have and when you see them it never gets better. Everyone needs good regular clients and I think it's a slippery slope when you let your partner dictate who you can see.

[louiseescort]

Thanks for the advice everyone.
I am not going to continue seeing the regular, it clearly has upset my bf and he is more important that just money.
It is the first time in 5 years of our relationship that he has put his foot down on who I should see, so with regards to the controlling aspect I don't really see it as an issue.
I guess I have partly to blame as I don't ever work weekends, but I have arranged several times to meet this guy on a Saturday (as he works away.)
and of course I have been texting the guy back which obviously hasn't helped.
However I feel that I have been communicating with the guy to keep up rapport etc. I mean he does give me roughly 1k a month.
Definitely I need to start switching my phone off. I do find it difficult tohugh due to guys booking in advance etc, but I hadn't really tight about it reminding him what I do so it puts things into perspective.

I think I will text the regular saying something like.
I am really sorry but I am going to have to cancel our meeting on Saturday,  due to personal issues I am also going to have to stop seeing you as it is putting my personal relationship under stress.
I am sure you understand. I wish you all the best

[sourgrapes]

That's a "Dear John", and you're almost guaranteed to lose the guy. How about lying to buy yourself some time? Along the lines of: weekends are currently private time. My sister has moved in with me after the breakup of her marriage, and I have to be fiercely discreet for a while until she sorts herself out. Sometimes a white lie is better than the truth.

He can then make an effort to see you during the week whenever he can, and not intrude in your family life. And you can tell your other half you have severely curtailed access and will maintain proper boundaries in the future. 12k a year is worth trying to hold on to. I understand that your boyfriend needs you to demonstrate that he's more important than the client, but it doesn't have to be black or white.

[roseanna]

I think I will text the regular saying something like.
I am really sorry but I am going to have to cancel our meeting on Saturday,  due to personal issues I am also going to have to stop seeing you as it is putting my personal relationship under stress.
I am sure you understand. I wish you all the best

Good luck with that. I've had clients become distraught when I've decided to cut them off. It is a professional relationship, but some of these guys see you as a pseudo-girlfriend and they get to rely on you. It feels very uncomfortable when you realise that, but it also needs sensitive handling.