partner wants me to stop seeing reg

[roseanna]

That's a "Dear John", and you're almost guaranteed to lose the guy. How about lying to buy yourself some time? Along the lines of: weekends are currently private time. My sister has moved in with me after the breakup of her marriage, and I have to be fiercely discreet for a while until she sorts herself out. Sometimes a white lie is better than the truth.

He can then make an effort to see you during the week whenever he can, and not intrude in your family life. And you can tell your other half you have severely curtailed access and will maintain proper boundaries in the future. 12k a year is worth trying to hold on to. I understand that your boyfriend needs you to demonstrate that he's more important than the client, but it doesn't have to be black or white.

I agree. I'd hang on to 1K a month if the client is good in every other respect. I'd give him a warning not to text outside certain times otherwise it puts the arrangement in jeopardy.

[Rosa]

I think the problem here is that you are seeing him in personal time.

Trouble is once you've started it it's difficult to change it without the client feeling hard done to.

If it were me I would explain that you are no longer working weekends, but that you are happy to offer him a weekday appointment. You could if you wish say your lifestyle has changed.

If he really wants to see you he will adjust, if he doesn't or it's impossible then he'll move on.

[Lady_Lust_XXX]

I totally agree with the others re reallocating him to a time during the week.  I very rarely worked weekends and definitely wouldn't want to on a Saturday evening.  To me and I think yourself, that is ME time. If he works away then he should be able to rearrange with no problem. 

Like the others say too, 1k is a lot of money to lose in this  day and age with the way work is going.

I wouldn't go too deep re why you are rearranging his booking other than saying you will no longer be working weekends.  Your private life is most definitely none of his business.

Hope it goes well for you.

[tvhappiness]

He is a regular who brings in the money, explain to him the situation and he has to stop texting you, unless its for a booking. Maybe change the name he is saved under too. If your partner isn't happy what's next, will he stop you seeing more clients? It's the regulars that keep the business coming.

[sourgrapes]

Maybe change the name he is saved under too.

Good thinking. A bit of cloak and dagger stuff is required to keep all sides happy.

[Kay]

I'd concur with the others that you should try changing your relationship with the client before dropping him all together - see him less frequently and at different times if possible, and switch your phone off and/or change his name, and tell him no more chit-chat texts.

But also I think it's a lesson learned - don't discuss clients with your boyfriend in a way that will get his back up. There's always the danger that this could be the start of a slippery slope.

[Dani]

I would ask the client to respect your personal time and only contact you during working hours and to keep it professional and only contact about arranging a booking
A decent client will understand this.  A shitty guy may well think it is causing problems at home so do it even more.  This is how you will find out if this is just a friendly client who texts just to be friendly or a client who texts as he wants more than just friendship.  either way if he keeps it up it is going to really cause problems with your partner.  This is why I only have one client who is allowed to text me and then only during work hours (I don't answer calls or texts from the moment I leave work until I get back there the next day.
There is no need for a client to contact you when you are at home with your family.  A text can be sent anytime so why not during work hours (they would go nuts if we started texting them all hours of the day or night)

[Miss-M]

Sorry for this post but a lot of you are saying ' losing 1k a month is a lot ' plus ' cloak and dagger ' are we saying just lie to her partner???

Look at this way, if you did ask him to text only through working hours such forth....and carried on seeing him, what if her partner found out , and asked after he had asked her to stop seeing that client she carried on???

I know if it was my hubby he wouldn't be happy and serious words would be exchanged ( never divorce ) but if would mean it would be an uncomfortable situation...

He respects you for what you do, but think you need to respect him on this one, is he asking you to stop with other clients or just specifically this one? If so my post may turn into another piece of advice x

Hope you Girls don't mind my rant, just trying to see from other eyes x

[Rosa]

Laying down the boundaries is the important bit. Telling your partner you've stopped seeing someone, then carrying is not a great decision.

[Fabulassie]

I don't advocate lying to your partner. You've found a gem who is OK with what you're doing. It's not unusual for spouses to get jealous of someone their partner interacts with at work, once that interaction starts intruding onto family time.

You can ASK your partner if he'd be OK with you setting strict boundaries with this client, but I would recommend respecting his feelings on this. In future. don't let it happen again.

By the way, I have noticed that the OP is thinking along the same lines: she is not going to see this client again.

I would say that you can tell the client in your "dear john" a bit more of the truth - or at least reassure him that he is NOT doing anything wrong or annoying. Just say, "I think that our texting out of hours and seeing one another so frequently has become a complication for my personal life. You have done absolutely nothing wrong and I hope you don't feel bad that I can't see you again."

[Kay]

I don't think lying to partners is a good idea either, and in this case there might be no solution but to stop seeing the regular. But the lesson is surely not to discuss any one client, or to let anyone keep texting you etc., i.e. don't give a partner reason to be suspicious.

The other thing that would worry me if it was first one client, then another, then any at all, but hopefully that's not the case.

[louiseescort]

I have spoken to the reg and told him the truth.
Will refrain from seeing him for a while, and see what happens.
A shame as he is a nice guy and couldn't ask for a nicer client tbh. However my relationship comes first and I don't want to threaten it.
I don't fancy lying to my oh on this one.
God if he found out- simply not worth it.
It is the first time he has asked me not to see anyone (in 5 years)
The regular understood and was extremely apologetic. Gave me another contact number incase I change my mind.
I won't be acting upon it currently though.
Maybe it would he good for my reg to see other girls in the meantime.
Thanks for the advice xx

[roseanna]

It seems like you have found a good compromise.

I wouldn't like to give up a reg like that too easily. But it's good that he's taken it well. That shows what a good reg he must be. Most times they get upset and/or rebellious in some way.

Good luck, and don't let him see too many other girls before you resume with him