Therapists and sex work

[amy]

People in sex work sharing their experiences of different types of counselling and therapy in different situations, and whether they found them worthwhile or not (and so on) is definitely pertinent to the forum.

Getting into detailed discussions about the types of therapy/therapists themselves without any sex work context belongs somewhere else. The fact that some sex workers have therapy doesn't make it relevant - most of us also have teeth and see dentists but that isn't a reason to have a detailed discussion about dentistry.

It's getting increasingly common to have people asking general health related questions about things which have no link to prostitution at all except for them having been kept from working. These soon spin off topic and whilst it (hopefully) doesn't do any harm, this isn't a medical forum, the people here are not medical professionals and most important of all, the person asking would be far better spending their time asking someone credible and accountable who is properly equipped to to help them, not anonymous people on an internet message board.

Back to sex work and therapists, please. If the above is still unclear, by all means send a PM to someone other than me .

[Ebonypru]

You should have reported her to her professional body!   She does not deserve to be entrusted with people's minds.  Charging you all those sessions for "salacious" details to share at her middle class dinner parties!   Sorry you went through that!

I've been in therapy a few times through out my life, nothing too serious, but I've suffered from GAD since I was a child (general anxiety disorder). So I've put myself in the hands of different shrinks. I always disclose my sex work occupation -amongst other things- on the first session. My last shrink was a very conservative female who wanted to know all the dirty details of my job, she was utterly fascinated by it, almost all the sessions spinned around my "occupation". This was getting a tad exhausting because sex work is just a part of my life, I don't spin my life around it. It's not what makes me as a person, it's just a PART of who i am. I don't want to pay $$$$, sit for an hour and talk about "the dirty details" to some civvie woman with a a horrified expression on her face. After 5 sessions she confesses me that she is completely against sex work. Ok, fair enough. So I ask her "why'. She looks at me completely astonished and says: "Well, it's like having a  patient who's a pedophile or a drug dealer, why should I be ok with it?"

I told her it was nice to meet ya and walked out of the room. And this is why I'm asking for a shrink with references, because I don't want to loose my time and my money with someone unprofessional.

[Ebonypru]

Actually, you don't know this for a fact, Amy.  Just that the more precarious a person's day job is, the less likely they are going to admit to doing it on here, especially in the forums that can be read by the public, or be used against them by a bunny boiler member of the forum.  There are more credible and accountable people here on this forum (for this issue) than you'd realise.  The anonymity ensures their training and qualifications don't go down the swanny because they disclosed too much openly.

This is a fascinating thread. There's a lot I could say on this topic but can't, having been burnt by a bunny boiler escort many years ago.

But the importance of finding a kink aware therapist is so important.  Civilians just simply cannot handle anything other than missionary sex in a monogamous set-up.   The moment you identify as anything other than straight monogamy, they've stopped listening objectively to what you have to say as a person.  Always trying to tie it back to the escorting.  Whereas the truth is that your today is moulded on your experiences as a child. 

I would not dream of disclosing my experiences as an escort with an outsider.  I hear the crap they laugh about when discussing anyone with a fetish, or involved in sex work, polyamory or whatever.

In truth, you need someone that can help you without having to have you relive all the knots and bolts of your past.  Someone that can work with your issues in a content free (meaning you don't have to disclose any details you don't want to.   Anyone that insists you have to spend years in "therapy" where you do most of the talking, and feel like shit because you've had to relive the dark stuff by talking about it, just sees you as a gravy train. 
 

the people here are not medical professionals and most important of all, the person asking would be far better spending their time asking someone credible and accountable who is properly equipped to to help them, not anonymous people on an internet message board.

Back to sex work and therapists, please. If the above is still unclear, by all means send a PM to someone other than me .

[Shewolf]

QUOTE: 'My last shrink was a very conservative female who wanted to know all the dirty details of my job.... So I ask her "why'. She looks at me completely astonished and says: "Well, it's like having a  patient who's a pedophile or a drug dealer, why should I be ok with it?"

Why should she be ok with it?!!! Because she is a professional therapist who is supposed to give her clients unconditional positive regard. In order to do this, she must not judge as this will impede growth, of her client and also herself. Surely the counsellor-client relationship is one in which both parties learn and develop?

Therapists who judge sex workers would learn so much from opening their minds, listening and reflecting on what is uncovered. A quality therapist would want to do this. They would want to learn.

[Luciexx]

I should think, that to civvie women (especially, married), hookers would be considered to be a public enemy no 1 (though I am a civvie woman in my off times).  Women who actively "corrupt" their men.  What they don't understand is that it's the men, who are driving the industry.  Yes, possibly her husband or her bf could be punting.  I think it is the fear in these women that their beloved "men" might be spending their money on sex behind their back.  I doubt it but you never know.  Her previous Bf was using hookers and she broke up with him.  Never know..

[ana30]

QUOTE: 'My last shrink was a very conservative female who wanted to know all the dirty details of my job.... So I ask her "why'. She looks at me completely astonished and says: "Well, it's like having a  patient who's a pedophile or a drug dealer, why should I be ok with it?"

Why should she be ok with it?!!! Because she is a professional therapist who is supposed to give her clients unconditional positive regard. In order to do this, she must not judge as this will impede growth, of her client and also herself. Surely the counsellor-client relationship is one in which both parties learn and develop?

Therapists who judge sex workers would learn so much from opening their minds, listening and reflecting on what is uncovered. A quality therapist would want to do this. They would want to learn.

Don't even get me started by comparing my work which is a 100% legal and consensual activity between 2 adults that doesn't hurt anyone to something like pedophilia or drug dealing which is illegal, non consensual, horrible abuse and pretty much ruins lifes.

 

[Nia Hope]

I think our job is a mystery to most 'Oh a real life prostitute' i see a male therapist that said to me that I shouldn't be afraid to share details of my work, I read this as he wants to perve about it, I am so honest with him I told him I felt like this and asked if this was the case, he denied it and said he'd tell anyone the same thing.

I think this job makes us paranoid maybe, x

[Luciexx]

Paranoid?  I doubt it.

I think he crossed the line slightly.  What is he going to do with such specific info?  Wanking materials?

[SweetAngel]

Hi girls. I am considering to try counselling for not job related issue however I would like to be able to be open about my bussines as I believe that being honest about if would make it much more effective than saying that I work in office or restaurant. Do you think I can be open about it to any psychologist or I have to make good research and pick the right one? Thanks x

[seraphine]

.

[Nonyer]

I don't think any shrinks are judgemental, if they were then they are poor at their job.

Some shrinks are incredibly judgemental, displaying their judgement in various degrees.

Of course it's not appropriate and yes those ones are shit at their job.

[ghostworld]

I posted on here a while ago about having a terribly judgemental doctor, I stopped seeing her and did some more research and found a therapist for DBT who had lots of experience treating people who had been diagnosed with HIV and also male sex workers, I figured she was likely to much more open minded and I was right. I am glad I didn't get discouraged by my bad experiences as it has helped me loads.

[LittleM]

Hi,

I've been escorting part-time for about 3 years. I have a v.ordinary civvy job & have kept this side of my life completely secret from all my family, from all my friends and to be truthful, it's beginning to take its toll. I desperately feel like I need to be able to talk to someone about this aspect of my life, it's so painful to keep lying to everyone about why I'm so busy, why I don't have time, where I'm dashing off to. Lying about what I've got up to at the weekend.

It's hard to have no-one to speak to about my bad experiences, why I fluctuate between feeling worthless, disgusting and like no man will ever ever accept me for a long-term r/ship, and feeling almost validated because men pay me for sex so ergo, I must be somewhat worth something?

Does anyone have any recommendations for escort-friendly therapists in the Greater London area who won't judge me? Who won't try and make it about my 'daddy abandonment issues' or condemn me for my line of work?

I'm just sat here crying my eyes out on a Sunday night, feeling so lonely. So desperate.

[amy]

Merged, since there ought to be some helpful stuff here already

[LittleM]

Merged, since there ought to be some helpful stuff here already

Thanks Amy - I did search therapist in the search box, but as you imagine, it brought a lot of 'massage therapist etc.' threads.
xoxo