When the GFE is too convincing...

[Nikki Dee]

hi ladies

Sorry if I am duplicating any previous posts but I have a recurring problem that I am sure many of you have had to deal with.

I offer a GFE service as I find I typically get nicer/longer bookings and repeat business. I also personally find it easier to build up a bit of rapport rather than getting down to business 30 seconds after getting through the door.

Problem is that in only 18 months of doing this I have had 5 clients who have developed emotional feelings and really believe I am their one and only.

Just last night I met a guy for 2 hours (after a number of emails and calls). Had a lovely time - wine, flowers and conversation and the sex was good.  Bit of cuddling after.

So today he hasn't stopped messaging me and saying he wants to go to dinner on Friday. I tell him I'm available and that he should make a booking request.  He then says he wants to take me as a date and that he wants to start "seeing" me with a view to starting a relationship.

This keeps happening. A few meets then they think we are a couple or get irritated when they see feedback from someone else.  I do make sure I make them happy on a booking and listen when they talk and show an interest, but how do I politely remind them it's a "transaction" not a date? 

Typical - when I wanted a boyf there was no interest but as an escort they want to date me!!

[KittenCandy]

hi ladies

Sorry if I am duplicating any previous posts but I have a recurring problem that I am sure many of you have had to deal with.

I offer a GFE service as I find I typically get nicer/longer bookings and repeat business. I also personally find it easier to build up a bit of rapport rather than getting down to business 30 seconds after getting through the door.

Problem is that in only 18 months of doing this I have had 5 clients who have developed emotional feelings and really believe I am their one and only.

Just last night I met a guy for 2 hours (after a number of emails and calls). Had a lovely time - wine, flowers and conversation and the sex was good.  Bit of cuddling after.

So today he hasn't stopped messaging me and saying he wants to go to dinner on Friday. I tell him I'm available and that he should make a booking request.  He then says he wants to take me as a date and that he wants to start "seeing" me with a view to starting a relationship.

This keeps happening. A few meets then they think we are a couple or get irritated when they see feedback from someone else.  I do make sure I make them happy on a booking and listen when they talk and show an interest, but how do I politely remind them it's a "transaction" not a date? 

Typical - when I wanted a boyf there was no interest but as an escort they want to date me!!

Sheer desperation. They long for a relationship. I had a client want to take me out on a date after just one booking. This was after saying he doesn't have time for a girlfriend. With this job obviously you have to be friendly and seem interested in them and the sex and they obviously think it's real. As mentioned in another thread, some think maybe it will be flattering to us if they profess their love infatuation and offer to take us on dates cuz they believe as hookers we don't get any love which is further from the truth.  When the acting is too good they forget that this is what they are paying for. A fantasy. That what you are doing is just giving good customer service. Some live in denial about this and think what they see is real. Some just want to try flatter you to get free sex. Some want to use you as arm candy to boost their ego, some want to fill that dating void in their life. I once thought my tattoo artist liked me because he was so kind and friendly to me. But of-course he is going to be nice cuz he wants repeat business and it's just the right thing to do cuz he wants to give people a good service for their money and he wants to do his job properly. not cuz he likes me. but at the time I was desperate and wanted a relationship. so i kinda see why they get confused cuz they think they are special. Maybe not many women smile and talk with them so we make them feel special. They are desperate, they are the ones that seem to not get love, not us. Don't know what else to think when they are falling quickly for any woman that is friendly to them.  but they are also delusional.  I am not nice to clients cuz I like them, it's cuz I want repeat business and I want to do my job properly. What worked for me is finding that balance. I'm friendly but not too friendly, enthusiastic but not too enthusiastic, laugh but not too long (silly I know lol) and in terms of conversation, I try and keep it to a minimum and rarely talk about myself. That  way nothing attracts them to me but my body. I find that when we talk too much etc they get a hint of my personality and then start this whole I love you bullshit cuz they think "wow you have a sweet personality, I relate to you blah blah" and I am here thinking "Ew"  Just remind them of your social rates. If they persist on wanting to take you out for free just tell them they are not your type lol.

[Gracious]

Do you offer dinner dates/social meets or just a normal GFE meeting?

[Shewolf]

It's really tricky. I have had this quite a bit as I like to see the same men so I know what to expect...therefore I am really nice to them so they come back etc.

I think the answer is to keep saying the same thing to them when they ask for a relationship...'I can't afford to'. They will either keep seeing you and paying or they will spit their dummy out....but you may get a few sessions out of them before that happens hahaha!

I don't have any qualms about this because I believe they are being disrespectful (not respecting your job) so I will just play them at their own game. I play these men.

[Angel08]

Tends to be the older ones that blurt out the feelings.

 I have had younger ones that I could tell had the attraction but they would move to distance themselves as they probably have the options. They had that arrogance about them that means that they could distance themselves.  Many of the younger ones do look down on us for the purposes of "love" because they don't tend to be as desperate... they're just cheaters.

 The older ones were often much more unpleasant and scary in how their feelings were expressed. Often in dead marriages and having to hear about their (lack of) bedroom activity.

[BlaqHarlot]

I know how you feel! It's a frequent thing when the believe the GFE, I've had it happen several times, just like you clients start texting for a date or wanting to meet off the clock and it's really frustrating. Usually I will say "When would you like to book, for the hour again yes? You remember my rate?" And that can shut them up. Sometimes wen they're overly persistent I'm honest and firm but polite and let them know it's a business transaction, he pays me for a fantasy, I play out the fantasy and when times up he gets back into the real world. It's surprising how many think you're "cold" or that it's wrong that I am telling them how it is!

Many delude themselves into thinking because you're polite with them, that you like them and that they're the "special" one when reality is you're just a good service provider. I agree it's usually the older ones, they get pretty delusional and seem to think a girl of my young age suddenly wants a relationship with them after an hour of paid sex, some I feel sorry for as I genuinely believe that they are nice guys who fall easily, others have egos and think they're great in bed and that because I'm friendly that means it's more than it is.

Just be firm and polite and let them know if they want to see you whether that be a "dinner date", or sex in a hotel etc it's on paid time and paid time only and if they still persist block them! They get the hint then x

[Mirror]

I've had experience of this, yet also have plenty of clients who wouldn't dream of stepping over the mark or developing inappropriate feelings. I find it's not particularly an age thing, it's either someone who is totally initially confused, thinks sex workers are only looking for a partner, or they have a particular style of relating to others in which they can't understand why the other person isn't appreciating their attentions.

[fancypants]

Just say " I dont think my husband would appreciate that".

or when you start to receive lots of text messages from them just say " Sorry I cant respond to your text now as I'm shopping for baby clothes with my hubby" .


I'm as single as single can be but they dont need to know that. 

[Nikki Dee]

oh wow. Thank you for the responses. Jessica thanks for the detailed response. It's reassuring to know its a common thing. Quite sad really but I guess it keeps us in business. I find it quite interesting that they would want a deep and meaningful relationship with someone they met because she was selling sex. 

But thanks for the tips. We are just too damn adorable ladies. Damn that magnetic allure we have!!!

[Nikki Dee]

or when you start to receive lots of text messages from them just say " Sorry I cant respond to your text now  :Das I'm shopping for baby clothes with my hubby" .

Love this!!!

[Ieaio]

It's  part of the reason we charge so much, it's mentally tiring having to put these men back in place of escort client things are going well then the client drops the L bomb, I am human lol I do sympathise hence why it's egsausting. I just tell them that just because the meets are paid doesn't mean the human connections & friendships aren't real BUT I feel it's disrespecting my boundaries to ask for something more than the set up we have as it's basically saying you CBA to pay anymore. Some lump it and come back as usual, some get obsessed & manipulative and I have to shake them, some are embarrassed by their proposal and I never see them again.  I just tell them if I allowed all my clients to leave that boundary i'd have no money to pay the rent, i'd love to get my massages on the house but I understand it's a service. I don't usually bring that reality into things as it's supposed to be a fantasy but that's the problem, sometimes they forget that so on occasions it is appropriate to remind them. Just been dealing with someone who wouldn't take no or a block as an answer so yea I get you it's knackering.

Take it as a compliment that your doing your job right, if they can't accept that, there is ALWAYS more clients to be had. Your right it seems cold but like....... I can't pay the rent with 50 boyfriends haha. 'You want to date me? Oh go on then.' I mean.... this is like a monthly thing how would we be expected to see all these men for free..... Think my house would turn into a huge polyamerous gang bang mess. We like the company of our friends doesn't mean we want to date them all. When you put it logically and silly i'm sure they'll get it & not take offence.

[KittenCandy]

lol sorry a bit off topic but i just had a funny thought. Me and my therapist are quite cool (least so I think) We bust jokes whenever I go see her and it's great but that doesn't mean that i will now ask for her number so I can text her and we can meet up for a drink> tahahah. These men have no pride. I tell ya.

[amy]

We are just too damn adorable ladies.

I'm not .

[Angel08]

oh wow. Thank you for the responses. Jessica thanks for the detailed response. It's reassuring to know its a common thing. Quite sad really but I guess it keeps us in business. I find it quite interesting that they would want a deep and meaningful relationship with someone they met because she was selling sex. 

But thanks for the tips. We are just too damn adorable ladies. Damn that magnetic allure we have!!!

I think many of them are in love, and love causes delusions. It's when the honeymoon period ends and the arguments start that it all goes to hell.

I like to hide myself away because I am terrified of being spotted in public by a client... I find it likely that in a relationship they would likely get paranoid about being seen in public with us after the intense feelings subside a bit. Then where does that leave us?

No matter how great the guy is, I would find it really strange to start a relationship with someone I met who paid me for sex. And I have met a fair share of really dateable guys. As great as they are, they would be forever put in the "client" box, they may be amazing but they paid me for sex.   

[Angel08]

It's  part of the reason we charge so much, it's mentally tiring having to put these men back in place of escort client things are going well then the client drops the L bomb, I am human lol I do sympathise hence why it's egsausting. I just tell them that just because the meets are paid doesn't mean the human connections & friendships aren't real BUT I feel it's disrespecting my boundaries to ask for something more than the set up we have as it's basically saying you CBA to pay anymore. Some lump it and come back as usual, some get obsessed & manipulative and I have to shake them, some are embarrassed by their proposal and I never see them again.  I just tell them if I allowed all my clients to leave that boundary i'd have no money to pay the rent, i'd love to get my massages on the house but I understand it's a service. I don't usually bring that reality into things as it's supposed to be a fantasy but that's the problem, sometimes they forget that so on occasions it is appropriate to remind them. Just been dealing with someone who wouldn't take no or a block as an answer so yea I get you it's knackering.

Take it as a compliment that your doing your job right, if they can't accept that, there is ALWAYS more clients to be had. Your right it seems cold but like....... I can't pay the rent with 50 boyfriends haha. 'You want to date me? Oh go on then.' I mean.... this is like a monthly thing how would we be expected to see all these men for free..... Think my house would turn into a huge polyamerous gang bang mess. We like the company of our friends doesn't mean we want to date them all. When you put it logically and silly i'm sure they'll get it & not take offence.

The older ones find it much more difficult because they can't go out and freely date attractive young women in their lives. That makes them much more unpleasant when it gets bad.

Had a guy in his mid 20's before who never expressed his feelings but I knew he was massively into me, he would always keep silent on the issue and just say things like "all women are the same anyway"... which i was fine with. Always showed he cared , like lending me his jacket when my heater was not working.

 He had a long term girlfriend and split with her while he was seeing me, then got another girlfriend.  Eventually he stopped seeing me because by his 2nd new girlfriend I think he managed to get over me. It did take him a fair while though, like 2 years.

Clients like that are rare though, he wanted to keep seeing me rather than lose me.. which was fair enough. I think he gave up in the end.