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Author Topic: Relationships whilst escorting?  (Read 109927 times)

EmilyJones

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #15 on: 16 August 2010, 08:26:47 am »
*  Men ARE hardwired to be the providers, in the same way that humans are hardwired to be monogamous. In times like these, more people- good ones at that, are unemployed. It shouldn't stop you from caring for them or finding them attractive, but being a prossie with an unemployed hubby or boyfriend is a recipe for disaster whether you like it or not. A man who loves you WANTS to take care of you. Having to sell your body when he can't provide is a blow to the ego.

I'm sorry, but argh. This is not *true* anymore than saying All Women Are Obsessed With Shoes is true. Try reading this - of course it's an issue of great complexity, but frankly, the only TRUE conclusion is that we don't know anything about the human mind or why it is like it is. The most recent research, however, appears to suggest that the human mind (including social needs, emotional desires and sexuality) is completely fluid and (mostly/partly) depends on how you're brought up. Which is GOOD, for god's sake! The idea that I'll never meet a man who is different to this terrible and cliched archetype of The Provider Who Must Be In Control Of His Woman "because that's what cave men were like" makes me want to just lay down and die. Luckily, I know lots of men who aren't like this at all, proving my personal hypothesis that if you only know one type of man or one type of woman, you are either very blinkered and/or socially conditioned by the popular media, or you just don't know many people. ???

The good thing is, there are so many different kinds of people out there - not to mention, people can start out one way and end up being a completely different way - that we should never have to put up with a bollocksy relationship. We should all be able to find what we, personally, need. However, that does make it quite difficult to make sweeping and judgemental, gendered statements about people so we might have to stop doing that. It's always nice to hear stories about a relationship working out amazingly but it's quite unnecessary for anyone to extrapolate from their own stories rules that everyone else should follow. :)
« Last Edit: 16 August 2010, 08:32:20 am by EmilyJones »
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M

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #16 on: 16 August 2010, 09:09:32 am »
Quote
The right person will not always be necessarily be 'alright' with you being an escort. My fiance is the right person for me and i love him to death and before i worked as an escort we hardly had a cross word in 2 years. Me working as an escort was a financial decision and has caused us a huge amount of pain. He doesn't like the woman he loves having sex for cash and to be honest if he was simply 'OK' with it i think i would find that more upsetting.

I agree with all this and especially the last part. Sometimes a woman has to be with men she doesnt love for the man she does. You do what you have to do for the money, and then you do what you have to do when it comes to love and relationships. I myself brought up and mentioned doing this to my bf/fianc? and he did not go for the idea AT ALL even though it would only be for the money which especially he could use as he's no job for a while and will prob be like that a long time to come. At first and for a bit I was annoyed by his not being practical, but then I reminded myself that it was BECAUSE of his jealous and possessiveness and hence, making it clear if I were to be one that would be a dealbreaker, which makes me want to stick by him. His level of 'ownership' over me is do unlike anyone else that even though we are literally in a half a world apart long distance relationship and it's costing ME quite a bit of money for the phone calls and my airfare/travel insurance etc (as he really has little money), I do it.

He's do unlike so many other guys who only want you for disposable fun, don't mind sharing you, in other words just don't give a damn about you except for the happy times. Since we live so far I doubt - hope - there's no way he'll ever find put and it's a secret I can keep.
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Cherrylips

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #17 on: 16 August 2010, 12:50:27 pm »
*  Men ARE hardwired to be the providers, in the same way that humans are hardwired to be monogamous. In times like these, more people- good ones at that, are unemployed. It shouldn't stop you from caring for them or finding them attractive, but being a prossie with an unemployed hubby or boyfriend is a recipe for disaster whether you like it or not. A man who loves you WANTS to take care of you. Having to sell your body when he can't provide is a blow to the ego.

I'm sorry, but argh. This is not *true* anymore than saying All Women Are Obsessed With Shoes is true. Try reading this - of course it's an issue of great complexity, but frankly, the only TRUE conclusion is that we don't know anything about the human mind or why it is like it is.

Sorry but I think what Tiffany is saying is (unfortunately) true in the sense that I don't think its her opinion exactly (am I right here Tiffany?) but societys' opinion, despite the research.  Even though I totally relate to the research it's not going to change peoples' views all of a sudden.  

I do agree that it is just that - societys' views but in the world we actually live in men DO automatically assume they should be the provider whether we like it or not (and I don't).  And yes its because its the way they/we have been brought up especially the older generation, but it will take many many generations to change these views.  It is already changing of course thank goodness.  A lot of men are being stay at home dads whilst the woman works etc etc.

I also think (and have done for ages) that its not natural for humans to be with one partner for life.  I am single and the thought of waking up beside the same person for the rest of my days scares the shit out of me.  A few years with someone is enough thanks very much.  ;D

EmilyJones

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #18 on: 16 August 2010, 01:33:38 pm »
I do agree that it is just that - societys' views but in the world we actually live in men DO automatically assume they should be the provider whether we like it or not (and I don't).  And yes its because its the way they/we have been brought up especially the older generation, but it will take many many generations to change these views.  It is already changing of course thank goodness.  A lot of men are being stay at home dads whilst the woman works etc etc.

Quite - bring on those future generations who don't feel obliged to confine themselves within strict gender roles. Of course it's going to take a long time. But the more women go around saying, "I'm a silly lady and can't do maths" or the more men go around saying, "I had to slap my wife for being uppity" the more time it's going to bloody take.

I also think (and have done for ages) that its not natural for humans to be with one partner for life.  I am single and the thought of waking up beside the same person for the rest of my days scares the shit out of me.  A few years with someone is enough thanks very much.  ;D

See? Just a few years ago we'd all have looked at you like you were bonkers and broken. Luckily, I think acceptance of the huge variance in human needs is growing rapidly. Thank god. :)
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Lucy Chambers

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #19 on: 16 August 2010, 01:39:23 pm »
stop it, oh cynical ones. I am still holding out for the happy ending!

Cherrylips

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #20 on: 16 August 2010, 01:45:02 pm »

See? Just a few years ago we'd all have looked at you like you were bonkers and broken.

Alas Emily Jones, only yesterday someone looked at me in this manner.  For no reason.  I didn't even know them.

  ;D   ;D


Lexy

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #21 on: 16 August 2010, 01:55:06 pm »
Escorts deserve love too
My boyfriend knows what i do... hes fine with it at the end of the day its a job
♥"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe♥

Susan Glasgow

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #22 on: 16 August 2010, 02:52:10 pm »
I had a client who calls and texts me every day and has let it be known that he would really love to have a relationship with me. (A long-term one...)

He's a really nice guy, but I can't get it out of my head that, maybe, all he really wants is the free love!

I did discuss this with one of the girls I am very close to, and she suggested that I tell him that we can go out on dates etc, but for the time being - if he wants sex, then he should pay for it. I guess that would sort him out, one way or another, lol.

He text me earlier to ask if I would like to go out for a meal and drinks with him, and that he would book an hotel for the night - would I be up for that? To which I asked if this was a booking. He asked if I was going to charge him for the dinner, but I replied no - only if you want sex.

He replied that we would only have sex if it was what I wanted, and that he would be more than happy with just a cuddle (but we all know where cuddles can lead, lol).

Obviously he knows what I do, and he has already suggested that there are other ways of making money, but I have told him in no uncertain terms that I love what I do and NO-one is ever going to stop me doing it until I am ready to quit (which won't be any time soon).

So, for the shear fact that he has already made that suggestion and we haven't even been on a date, it has annoyed me. Even though he insists that he can handle what I do...

Hmmmm, I wonder...  ::)
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Lucy Chambers

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #23 on: 16 August 2010, 02:55:11 pm »
Hey Susan


If you are a loose end, why not? It saves you having to find someone to play with and at least you don't have to lie. Just make sure he pays for it in other ways.

Susan Glasgow

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #24 on: 16 August 2010, 02:59:37 pm »
Thing is - I have been single (by choice) for about 3 years now, and I really would love to be in a relationship with a guy. The hugs, cuddles and love are so very different than those that we receive on a pay-by-hour basis.. But I don't want to be in one just because I do!

I think I should take it one step at a time for now - I'll go to dinner and on other dates with him for the time being - just to see how we really get on together, but if he wants that little bit more, well - he'll have to pay.
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EmilyJones

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #25 on: 16 August 2010, 04:39:18 pm »
He replied that we would only have sex if it was what I wanted, and that he would be more than happy with just a cuddle (but we all know where cuddles can lead, lol).

It sounds like you're handling the situation with exemplary patience and foresight so I haven't much to add, except avoid that particular situation (the, er, 'cuddles') at all costs else you'll almost certainly end up having sex for free, either due to being a bit sozzled post-dinner (ha, that might just be me there :P) and/or just feeling obliged. I mean, when a poor bloke's poking you in the back with his little hard-on, you have to be seriously clear-headed to stand up and explain that you mean no offense but can he please stop that. And no matter what you'll say, it'll probably end up in an emotional show-down when he realises that he can't just guilt-trip (/cuddle) you into giving him freebies and so goes all out to try and convince you (see: shouting; tears; tantrums) before giving up and going off in a huff, never to speak to you again except perhaps via truculent little emails just to remind you now and then of how badly you hurt his feewings.

Of course if you decide you want to have freebies with him, then go ahead! But it sounds like you might have a similar thing to me: once a guy goes into the 'client' compartment in my head, he stays there FOREVER. So the only way to avoid little sad-man-faces is to avoid being in a remotely sexual situation with him. Hard when a lot of men have no idea what they want or what they're doing, but being open and honest and firm at all times helps.
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Susan Glasgow

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #26 on: 16 August 2010, 05:48:44 pm »
Lol, Emily - that's brought a smile to my face  ;D (I needed the smile too as I'm not well today *sigh*)

I think I'll just keep him dangling a bit. IF he SHOULD happen to come over to Glasgow (he lives in Edinburgh) and decide to book an hotel, the great thing is that I can still go home .... he can have the cuddles on the hotel doorstep as I wait for the taxi, lol...
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lady69

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #27 on: 16 August 2010, 08:12:01 pm »
well tomorrow i have been married 11 years   ;D

Congratulations on your 11th anniversary Paris  and it is  greatthat everything has worked out to date.

I personally don't think I will be able to handle both sides so I am sticking with just escorting for now no relationships yet.
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amy

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #28 on: 16 August 2010, 08:17:31 pm »
well tomorrow i have been married 11 years   ;D

Happy anniversary Paris and Mr Paris! That's made me fill up a bit, that has :D.

Miss Jameson

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Re: Relationships whilst escorting?
« Reply #29 on: 16 August 2010, 09:48:41 pm »
I'm sorry, but argh. This is not *true* anymore than saying All Women Are Obsessed With Shoes is true. Try reading this - of course it's an issue of great complexity, but frankly, the only TRUE conclusion is that we don't know anything about the human mind or why it is like it is.

Sorry but I think what Tiffany is saying is (unfortunately) true in the sense that I don't think its her opinion exactly (am I right here Tiffany?) but societys' opinion, despite the research.  Even though I totally relate to the research it's not going to change peoples' views all of a sudden.  

I do agree that it is just that - societys' views but in the world we actually live in men DO automatically assume they should be the provider whether we like it or not (and I don't).  And yes its because its the way they/we have been brought up especially the older generation, but it will take many many generations to change these views.  It is already changing of course thank goodness.  A lot of men are being stay at home dads whilst the woman works etc etc.

I also think (and have done for ages) that its not natural for humans to be with one partner for life.  I am single and the thought of waking up beside the same person for the rest of my days scares the shit out of me.  A few years with someone is enough thanks very much.  ;D

Quite true, Ms. Cherry. Emily, I said 'like humans were hardwired to be monogamous' and we are not. Nature proves that women are the better providers. Look at all the matriarchal animal societies that function best because women run them. But I believe that there are all kinds of men, including men that wouldn't eat or have a place to stay if they didn't have a woman. But as a woman, and as a human, I look for my equal. And honestly I'm so conflicted with the whole thing. Sometimes I look around and I would love a good man. Then when I'm nursing my sisters, cousins, and brothers about their relationships I sigh with relief.
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