Should I give up escorting because of my husband?

[Tvemma08]

I'm no expert with relationships but you can give up escorting and always go back to it.
Harder to give up a relationship then get it back. 

As others have said you need to discus with him and make it clear that the effects of what he says has on you.

Hope it works out for you xxx

[Scottish Emily]

UPDATE
I had a serious chat with him about this.
He has promised he will never ever call me these sort of names again. Also I should only discuss aspects of my job with him if I feel comfortable. My husband used to be a captain in the merchant navy which is a very good job. He left when I became pregnant with our son. Sometimes I think he is a little insecure because I make more money than him at the moment. He has his own small business. This is ridiculous but you know what men can be like with their "male pride" and all that.
He said he called me these names to get a reaction when we argued but he knows this was wrong and will never do it again. He also assured me that he doesn't have a problem with me continuing to escort and if he ever does he will tell me.
To the lady who said about Florida instead of Paris. My little boy would NEVER sit on a plane that long so Paris is a more practical option.

[VoluptuousCurves]

That sounds really promising

The acid test will be next time you argue of course. I hope he will stick to his word.

I think a lot of men find it emasculating being the lower earner in the relationship. It shouldn't be that way, but they have spent a long time absorbing those messages about being "the breadwinner" and how a "kept man" is a demeaning thing to be. I don't think most of it's even a conscious reaction.

[MsDee]

Chloe,

You need to sit down and talk to him about how it makes you feel when he calls you those names and try to come to some sort of resolution.  He might be a fantastic husband and father otherwise but emotional abuse is emotional abuse and a real man would not be that demeaning to the woman he loves.  He needs to grow up.

Personally I think it is bothering him and I would give up, you could try camming if you need the money it is not as much as you make via escorting but it is a good money earner if you put the effort in.

You need to talk to him about his behaviour when you argue it is unacceptable and just give him an ultimatum that if he really loved you he would not use such demeaning hurtful words during an argument and if he does not stop it he leaves you no option but to reconsider whether the marriage is worth the emotional abuse.  Personally I would not stand for it.

[Luciexx]

There are no perfect relationships, no perfect partners.  Leave when he gets abusive (emotional, psychological, physical etc).  Other than that, he's probably a fine/normal dude. 

Having said that, I agree with several ladies who commented on LTRs whilst escorting.  Especially, VC, MH, DM...  I have seen some posts, mentioning some men seek out escorts for dating (e.g. sexually liberated, good in bed, money she brings, etc).  However, love does tend to go through several stages.  Things never stay the same, what was fine at the benning/1st stage may not be fine in the much later stages.   If this guy isn't usually abusive, then makes me wonder if his honesty comes out during the heated argument. 

He is not in a position to say, escorting isn't great because he knows he/the family "needs and wants" the money, and all the luxury like a holiday it can afford.  He knows the score. He's using his logics/reasoning to "quietly accepting" or he has no other choice.  You say, that he used to see escorts.  I doubt he's doing that if money is tight or if he respects you too much to do that.    Money is power and he knows he shouldn't have said, but maybe, if he actually meant that?

Men usually want a Princess, to look after, provide, protect and nurture etc.  Having said that, I'm sure some men will gladly "cope" with their partner escorting for money, especially, if he liked her a lot, but for others, I bet it could be so hard to see their wife "entertaining men".  At least, he's trying hard to keep things going. 

[The_Lynx]

Having said that, I'm sure some men will gladly "cope" with their partner escorting for money, especially, if he liked her a lot, but for others, I bet it could be so hard to see their wife "entertaining men".  At least, he's trying hard to keep things going.

I'd like to point out that not all people believe in sexual monogamy. There are actually many, many people who don't just cope but genuinely do not mind, because they do not find sexual exclusivity to be of any importance.

[Luciexx]

I know, but we are not discussing on "poly" situation, are we?

[The_Lynx]

I know, but we are not discussing on "poly" situation, are we?

Well I can only speak for myself, but me and my partner are not poly nor in a genuine open relationship. He has my permission to sleep around if he'd want to, but he never uses it. He also doesn't care about me working because he views it as only a job, but he'd mind if I started hooking up left, right, center in private. For him the concern is the potential of emotional attachment, not the sex. People come in all shapes and sizes when it comes to what they are comfortable with, tbh.

Which is why I specified sexual monogamy, we are both extremely monogamous emotionally-speaking.

[Luciexx]

That's an interesting topic, Lynx.  I would be keen to find more about it, in a new thread, perhaps?  I may be chastised by saying this, but thank you for sharing.   

[Scottish Emily]

There are no perfect relationships, no perfect partners.  Leave when he gets abusive (emotional, psychological, physical etc).  Other than that, he's probably a fine/normal dude. 

Having said that, I agree with several ladies who commented on LTRs whilst escorting.  Especially, VC, MH, DM...  I have seen some posts, mentioning some men seek out escorts for dating (e.g. sexually liberated, good in bed, money she brings, etc).  However, love does tend to go through several stages.  Things never stay the same, what was fine at the benning/1st stage may not be fine in the much later stages.   If this guy isn't usually abusive, then makes me wonder if his honesty comes out during the heated argument. 

He is not in a position to say, escorting isn't great because he knows he/the family "needs and wants" the money, and all the luxury like a holiday it can afford.  He knows the score. He's using his logics/reasoning to "quietly accepting" or he has no other choice.  You say, that he used to see escorts.  I doubt he's doing that if money is tight or if he respects you too much to do that.    Money is power and he knows he shouldn't have said, but maybe, if he actually meant that?

Men usually want a Princess, to look after, provide, protect and nurture etc.  Having said that, I'm sure some men will gladly "cope" with their partner escorting for money, especially, if he liked her a lot, but for others, I bet it could be so hard to see their wife "entertaining men".  At least, he's trying hard to keep things going.

I wasn't an escort when I met him? I started this job just in Dec although I previously escorted for 3 years ages ago.
We are very happily married and love each other loads apart from this issue which is now hopefully sorted.
Also we don't need the money, we get on just fine without me working. We do not depend on escorting money. It will just pay for additional things lik holidays or saving towards buying a house.

[Scottish Emily]

I wasn't an escort when I met him? I started this job just in Dec although I previously escorted for 3 years ages ago.
We are very happily married and love each other loads apart from this issue which is now hopefully sorted.
Also we don't need the money, we get on just fine without me working. We do not depend on escorting money. It will just pay for additional things like holidays or saving towards buying a house.

[RR]

I would also point out that 'men want a princess' is a little erm... outdated. As a woman, I also certainly hold no desire to feel 'protected' or 'provided for' - I can do that for myself, and any partner who brought that to the table would be quickly shown the door.

I personally see sex as an emotionless act for the most part - I can count on one hand the amount of people I've slept with that I've had any genuine feelings for, and that was before escorting. I enjoyed casual sex without commitment. In a relationship, I am monogamous, but I've known people who escort and live in poly relationships as well as having monogamous ones. To me, it's just a job; I work set hours, I sometimes have to deal with people I don't particularly care for outside of a professional setting, I do my job, I get paid (well, I get paid first, but you know), I go home and kick off my 'uniform' of nice clothes. Shower. Change into PJs and slipper socks and watch my recorded TV shows.

I don't talk about my work at home beyond being tired of dealing with people that day, like anyone gets in dealing with the general public. Certainly not talking about the intimate side of it. We had to have long conversations about my job, including helping my partner understand this was no reflection on our relationship or my feelings whatsoever. It's never been about sex for me. I wouldn't say my partner is fine with it, but understands it, and it certainly has never been thrown up in an argument (my chronic messiness on the other hand... ).

[SophieinSurrey]

Well he says he is and if he was that upset about it he surely would ask me to stop!

He probably wants it to be your decision

[Luciexx]

Superb, Chloe.  Hope everything settles down and you all have a wonderful break in Paris.   

[Lucie268]

In my opinion, I feel like it's possible he doesn't have a problem with your job at all but sometimes when people are hurt or angry they want to say the most hurtful thing possible. As others said, he's going for the low blow and trying to make you feel small. Just think about our clients, and how they will turn to attacking our jobs if they are affronted in some way, because it's the easiest thing to go for. For women in general, people like to attack our looks/weight etc. because these are typically sensitive issues.

I hope he sticks to his word, because this kind of verbal abuse isn't okay. It's concerning that during arguments he wants to personally attack you and make you doubt yourself. To me it's almost a childish tactic? Sounds like he understands now though.

Good luck x