How do you get someone out of your mind?

[SheilaStar]

I have a client I have been seeing for several months that has gone completely under my skin.

I have tried everything I know and everything I could find on here to get him out of my mind. I am not new to the business and I have tried rationalising the nature of what is going on, that he is unavailable, pays for sex and sees other people.

I have tried keeping distance and disassociating myself. Sex is not a problem as I can switch off during it. The problem is that when I am not with him I constantly think about him and it is affecting my life. Not seeing him for extended periods makes it more difficult.

I know I am in need of a brain transplant but unfortunately this is not an option! Do you have any practical tips I can follow beyond the usual "forget him", "don't see him", "he pays for sex" and so on?

Are there perhaps any books, meditation, workshops or counselling that anyone tried that could help in this situation or to cancel this type of thoughts? I read about love addiction and while it is far from my character I wonder if anyone tried counselling for it and whether it could help me.

What is your advice? Help!

[losthope]

I was like this with an ex, stay busy maybe

[Dirty_kinky_princess]

I have a client I have been seeing for several months that has gone completely under my skin.

I have tried everything I know and everything I could find on here to get him out of my mind. I am not new to the business and I have tried rationalising the nature of what is going on, that he is unavailable, pays for sex and sees other people.

I have tried keeping distance and disassociating myself. Sex is not a problem as I can switch off during it. The problem is that when I am not with him I constantly think about him and it is affecting my life. Not seeing him for extended periods makes it more difficult.

I know I am in need of a brain transplant but unfortunately this is not an option! Do you have any practical tips I can follow beyond the usual "forget him", "don't see him", "he pays for sex" and so on?

Are there perhaps any books, meditation, workshops or counselling that anyone tried that could help in this situation or to cancel this type of thoughts? I read about love addiction and while it is far from my character I wonder if anyone tried counselling for it and whether it could help me.

What is your advice? Help!

Stay away and try and occupy your
Mind unfortunately the mind is a powerful tool. Stay strong. You have got this

[sultress000]

EFT (emotional freedom technique) is ideal for this! Have used it for the same thing myself. I can help x

[Pay2play]

I can totally relate to this. I first met one particular client 6 years ago. Initially I wasn't going to accept his booking because he was a lot younger than I'd normally see, but he was persistent! On first impressions I was immediately impressed with his charm,and instantly became hooked on him! 6 years down the line I'm totally besotted with him. Not good though because he obviously knew about my crush and  used it to his own advantage! He often booked and paid for an hour but the time run over by hours! Unfortunately he lost his life a few weeks ago ,I was /  am devastated! I think the best solution would be in future if I develop feelings again for a client,is to stop seeing them! I'm a strong independent woman who doesn't easily fall in love ,but this particular guy had me completely melted! It leads to nothing but heartache

[SheilaStar]

Girls, thanks for the ideas. Please keep them coming. I want to be able to have control of myself. Talking about this here helps as I have no one else to discuss this with.

Losthope/Dirty kinky princess, I have tried keeping busy and in the past it helped a little but it just doesn't anymore. I am trying to learn techniques to keep my mind in check but I will try to be more regimented while busy.

Sultress, thanks for the idea. I am traditionally educated and skeptical of EFT, but I am at the point of considering even a lobotomy so I am willing to try anything! I will look into EFT and perhaps PM you. How did you start with it, how long did it take you to see results and where is the best place to look into it?

Pay2play, I'm sorry for your experience and for losing your client like that. If he was interested in you did you consider a relationship? I have tried separation but it only increased the intensity of the problem. The biggest difficulty is when I am not with him and it hits me like a hammer every time he leaves.

[VoluptuousCurves]

I haven't experienced this type of attraction (which I think is called limerence) but I have experienced compulsive thoughts of other types and taking a CBT approach can be helpful.

I think you have to treat it like an addiction and go cold turkey. When a drug addict first stops taking their drug they will suffer withdrawal and at first won't be able to do anything but think about it, but if they relapse then it's not addressing the problem. You have to go through the sweaty withdrawal part to find freedom the other side.

[Sexymilf]

Is there something missing in your life that you see in this particular client. Is he attached. If he is then nothing will probably come from his side except sex. If he is attached make sure he doesnt abuse your feelings for him like tbe other wg said pay fir an hr but stay longer as he knows you like him. Stay strong. Good luck xx

[colette]

In my garden , Love is considered a precious flower , not a pest or a weed to eradicate ... So I'm probably unfit to advise about this matter .
I'm surprised though that the consensus here points towards considering any means to obliterate thoughts which for me are just natural and somewhat uplifting .
One more confirmation that my place isn't here ...

[SheilaStar]

VoluptuousCurves/Sexymilf, thanks for the replies.

VoluptuousCurves, I envy you for not having experienced this. I have had a couple of heartaches and breakups growing up before I started escorting and found ways to overcome them but nothing like this. The idea of CBT is a good one. I also took a CBT approach in the past, for other things not related to addictions, but it didn't have a great effect in my case. Even if it was going to work now there are long waiting lists for CBT workshops and for the training to be effective I would have to divulge details about the nature of the situation that I would rather not do. The idea of treating this as an addiction is an interesting one and it crossed my mind before. I tried going cold turkey for an extended period but only made me worse. Perhaps it needed even more time but I really suffered during it for months, I would rather not go through the same situation again for longer. I think your points are valid so I will try to find relevant things to read.

Sexymilf, would it make sense if I said that there is nothing missing in my life other than this particular man? That if I never met him I wouldn't know that I miss anything? He is not attached but he has mentioned a few things so I know he is not interested in a relationship or in me in ways other than sexually. He never tried to abuse my feelings or push any boundaries, he is the perfect client. I don't think he even knows I like him as I found excuses to cover up the separation and I do everything I can to hide the way I think about him.

I appreciate the support ladies. I have been bottling this up for months and even just getting it out of my system here has a positive effect.

[Justine]

I think just as when it is the other way around (client becomes besotted) the only way is to cut all ties and not see him again. I have not fallen for a client so heavily but came close a couple of times. Both these guys were a lot younger than me and were/are married to good looking wives and have young children. I knew this because they gave away info ie names/jobs and me being me took a little look on social media and found them very easily. They began to say things which I thought meant they were getting a little too attached to me too, so it was a two way thing.

They had the guilts, I knew that. A few years in this job and I can tell when a married young man knows he is being a shit to his wife even though she doesn't know it.  They stopped booking me and I have no idea if they still see wgs, so the problem was solved for me.

I can only repeat, refuse further bookings then it is quicker to deal with and easier to get back on track.

[Adele7]

I had an experience like this last year but not with a client. I only slept with him a few times and wait for it, he had a problem getting hard and used all the excuses under the sun. When he ran out of them he said "it only happens with you". Little did he know I was an escort and could see right through it. Had I been some naive women I would be psychologically damaged with the insult.

Apart from being useless in bed, he was very untrustworthy, short, bald (which I actually do now find an attractive feature) and I did not find his overall appearance attractive. Basically I found him ugly! I could not think of 1 positive trait about him yet I was absolutely unexplainably hooked!!!!!

It took about 1yr to get him out of my system and the way I did it was to stop looking at his facebook pages etc as well as not accepting further dates. I think the secret is to completely cut off all contact. The quicker contact is cut, the less time will be needed to get him out of your system.

I tend to find that due to long spells of loneliness, its easy to have these obsessive thoughts in this line of work.

[Ruby Redhead]

I've never had this experience with a client, however I was a wreck when I split up from an ex many years ago and I just couldn't stop thinking about him, I'd cry just thinking about it while doing my eeekly shop! And yes seeing him helped but it was a temporary short term fix. In my experience I had to finally cut the cord and go cold turkey. No contact. Goodbye forever. And while it was worse to begin with, over time I got control of myself again. I almost felt bipolar,  some days I could get about my day and be and others I just could get him out my head.

The first month or so was the hardest and in those months I just kept myself as busy as possible... saw friends, family, watched box set after box set, read books, etc! I also wrote my feelings/thought down which really helped, I felt once I'd wrote them down they left my mind for a while.

I think the best thing long term is to cut all contact and time will be the healer

You got this girl! Be strong :-)

[SheilaStar]

Justine/Adele/Ruby, thanks for sharing your experience.

I have also cut off contact to a few besotted clients. Having tried going cold turkey from this man before and knowing its effect on me, it is a non-option I am afraid as I am going through a lot in my personal life at the moment as it is. This is why I am trying to find alternative ways to keep myself in check.

Adele, LOL! Your story made me laugh though I am sure it wasn't funny at all for you back then. I can't really find anything negative about the man in my case other than the nature of our transaction and that he is not looking for a relationship. Otherwise he is the perfect client and the perfect man, for me. I would give away everything and ride off into the sunset with him should things were different.

[SheilaStar]

In my garden , Love is considered a precious flower , not a pest or a weed to eradicate ... So I'm probably unfit to advise about this matter .
I'm surprised though that the consensus here points towards considering any means to obliterate thoughts which for me are just natural and somewhat uplifting .
One more confirmation that my place isn't here ...

Colette, I couldn't agree more with you that love is precious and something to be cherished. Unfortunately, in this case it is one sided. What would you do in my situation?