How do you get someone out of your mind?

[BlaqHarlot]

Have you thought about going dating casually?
My situation was different to yours, I started dating a client early last year, it never got really serious but we developed feelings for each other, December last year I find out he was seeing another girl and made her his girlfriend, they were together for 5 months and have now split up.

He then contacted me again last month by email to try and date again, he's emailed a few times since and states how he had missed me etc etc. I had very strong feelings for this guy he's 13 years older (I'm 23) than me and it's the first guy I've developed such feelings for, so it was really hard to find out he secretly had a girlfriend. We ended up stopping talking and I decided to go dating not looking for anything but just for the fun of it and it honestly helped me get over this guy. Now he is contacting me regretting his decisions of messing me about and I'm not interested whatsoever and I think going dating and chatting to different men who weren't clients (the only men I have sex with are clients at this moment) helped.

So I think dating casually simply chatting to men and going on dates may actually help you forget or atleast take your mind of this client. It helped me so I thought it may be a good suggestion!

Best wishes x

[MissElaine]

Oh dear; there nothing worse than unrequited love. While I've not had that type of connection ever with a client altho there was one guy who got recently divorced and he wasn't ready for a relationship but I quickly Weaned myself off him. I met him once ,then  we got friendly and used to have lunch but I never allowed my feelings go over board.
All I can advise apart from completely cutting the tie as you ll never move on is to try meet another man. Are you looking for a relationship because whether you say you are or not you have been touched inside by this guy and seeing it's not going to happen is a killer.
Could you try to meet some  other Men and date them?
From experience I do know that being hooked on one guy can be very painful , but why you get to meet some other attractive men you ll be surprised how it can actually give you a chance to lighten up your feelings and realise there's other options out there. I'm not saying they'll arouse the same feelings you have for this guy but it is healthy to meet other guys.hope this helps xx

[SheilaStar]

Thanks DW and MissElaine, this is a good suggestion. Unfortunately I tried it and it didn't work!

I tried diverting my attention to other people and ended up daydreaming about him and comparing him with the others with no positive result.

His face slowly blended into the face of the others and the whole experience made me miss him more 

I suppose it is because I didn't need or want a relationship with anyone else in the first place before I met him.

[meetingdiversity]

Give it time maybe remind yourself that the situation isn't ideal to be realistic. When thinking that try keeping yourself busy but personally think keeping this client won't do you any favours in the long run.

In the sense of trying to over come this while he is on the scene. Some times we need to cut loose to free our minds.

[SheilaStar]

Diversity, thanks. I couldn't put it better than you did about the reminders and everything.

I know what you suggest about cutting loose is correct in general terms and this is what I would also advise someone else. But been there, done that and I can't go through with it again just now, it is complicated. To be perfectly honest I don't even want to but I know I have the power to be in control of myself if I try hard enough.

[meetingdiversity]

Diversity, thanks. I couldn't put it better than you did about the reminders and everything.

I know what you suggest about cutting loose is correct in general terms and this is what I would also advise someone else. But been there, done that and I can't go through with it again just now, it is complicated. To be perfectly honest I don't even want to but I know I have the power to be in control of myself if I try hard enough.

Sure when the time is right things will improve for you.xx

[Adele7]

Give it time maybe remind yourself that the situation isn't ideal to be realistic. When thinking that try keeping yourself busy but personally think keeping this client won't do you any favours in the long run.

In the sense of trying to over come this while he is on the scene. Some times we need to cut loose to free our minds.

+1

[meetingdiversity]

+1

I have been through similar this is what helped me you can apply to many situations with a slight alteration.

[Pay2play]

[quote author=SheilaStar link=topic=38508.msg293391#msg293391 date=

Pay2play, I'm sorry for your experience and for losing your client like that. If he was interested in you did you consider a relationship? I have tried separation but it only increased the intensity of the problem. The biggest difficulty is when I am not with him and it hits me like a hammer every time he leaves.
[/quote]

Had it been under different circumstances of meeting if of definitely considered a relationship with him, however I knew he was visiting other girls all around the northwest and realistically I knew deep down the feelings I had for him were one sided! X

[SheilaStar]

Had it been under different circumstances of meeting if of definitely considered a relationship with him, however I knew he was visiting other girls all around the northwest and realistically I knew deep down the feelings I had for him were one sided! X

Did you find that you developed any particular techniques during those 6 years to keep yourself in check? x

[colette]

Colette, I couldn't agree more with you that love is precious and something to be cherished. Unfortunately, in this case it is one sided. What would you do in my situation?

Love is NEVER one-sided , being a Universal feeling it cannot be confined ! On the contrary , it's extremely contagious .
Having said that , I do understand that your situation is quite difficult .
If I were in your shoes , I would probably let things flow , without restricting any initiative or opportunity which might arise .
But , dear SheilaStar , remember I'm not a woman of this world , and that's dangerous to follow my advice and copy my behaviour ...
Nuff Luck to ya !!

[Mirror]

I also found reading about attachment (look up Bowlby's attachment theory) really helped me understand a few things about some of my relationships, which includes how I get on/feel about different clients.

[losthope]

Love is NEVER one-sided , being a Universal feeling it cannot be confined ! On the contrary , it's extremely contagious .
Having said that , I do understand that your situation is quite difficult .
If I were in your shoes , I would probably let things flow , without restricting any initiative or opportunity which might arise .
But , dear SheilaStar , remember I'm not a woman of this world , and that's dangerous to follow my advice and copy my behaviour ...
Nuff Luck to ya !!

remember I'm not a woman of this world, are you a man ?

[sweetmilf]

I also found reading about attachment (look up Bowlby's attachment theory) really helped me understand a few things about some of my relationships, which includes how I get on/feel about different clients.

Do tell.  xx 

[Lady_Lust_XXX]

Perhaps taking a bolder tact is necessary.

Think of the way it is affecting you. Is it stopping you from giving your best service to other clients. If yes, then you are not doing yourself any favours and you are doing your clients a disservice, which isn't fair to either of you.  In short this guy who is in your head is costing you money everyday you follow this path. In my world no guy should have this power over us while we are working.

This may not be of any help to you but sometimes thinking outside the square and thinking selfishly is the only way forward.

TC xx