Regular not paying

[CLondonGal]

Hello everyone,

I need someone's advice regarding my current situation:

I have seen a client five times - usually once every couple of weeks. The first time was an incall, I asked for the fee before he showered, he stayed for one full hour. Second, third and fourth time were outcalls to his home which is just around the corner from mine. We usually had dinner and then sex for an average of 3 hours in total. He always paid me in the end for those times and only my one hour fee even though he should be paying me for a dinner date. I never complained because things were a bit slow back then, I prefered to have him as a regular and actually enjoyed spending time with him.
On the fifth date this is what happened: we met for cocktails, theatre and dinner. During dinner he said he was quite tired so he wanted to go to sleep straight after - meaning no sex. When we said goodbye there were quite a lot of people around us so I couldn't really complain about the fact that he hadn't paid me without drawing attention to me. I went home and cried for a bit. This client that I trusted made me feel completely used. I spent nearly six hours with him and we even held hands. If I knew I wasn't going to get paid I would have stayed home and worked (I missed two genuine enquiries while I was with him) or spent time with my family or close friends.
I know it might seem silly to be complaining about a guy who took me out for cocktails, theatre and dinner but it's not like we met on tinder. If he wasn't going to pay me he should have said it when he called me.
The next day I told him how I felt and he apologised and he said "I thought you had enjoyed it as much as I did" and that he would give me the money later. I replied with a few things that I already wrote above and didn't hear back from him.
This was Tuesday morning. I haven't heard anything from him but to be honest he's only available to meet me on Mondays and Tuesdays because of his family. I am pretty sure that he is going to pay (I know where he lives and works) but I am also pretty sure that I don't want to see him again. After the way he made me feel I don't think I can enjoy spending time with him anymore.
Anyway I think I am going to send him my bank details on Monday and ask him to deposit my fee. My question is: should I charge him my one hour rate or should I charge him my fee for 6 hours? I think he has taken advantage of me before by only paying me for one hour even though we would spend three to four hours per date and maybe now it's the time for me to stand up for myself and ask for the right fee.
Anyone?

Thank you in advance xx

[Sexymilf]

I think its going to be difficult at this stage to get the full fee as you set a precedent before by only asking for the fee of one hr which was the sex time. If you aint gna see hime again anyway get what you can out of it and learn not to give away free time. Its ok to ask for a reduced fee for social time which is what i do and the full fee for sex time. I wouldnt have dated him gor free. I could have been earning elsewhere or as you say doing things i wanted to do xx

[LuluLoves]

This is a common punter mindset - that taking you out for drinks etc. should be pro bono because there's no sex. I've learnt to make it very clear now when I'm invited for a drink that 'my usual rate will apply'. 10 times out of 10 they change their mind and act a little offended. Just ignore it and move on to the next paying gentleman! After all, you wouldn't expect your physio to join you at the bar after your appointment would you? 

[Wailing Banshee]

I'm not sure how long you have been doing this for, but I suspect you're rather new to it- I think most of us have a moment when we feel ripped off or we've blurred lines or not been clear about what we want.  However savvy and in control we feel most of us have made mistakes especially in the early days and it's those experiences that make us better and make us realise that you have to set boundaries and stick to them, get money up front, establish the nature of the booking and never give them more time than they have paid for unless you are clear it is a one off. The nicest, sweetest clients will end up taking the piss or just not realising they are diddling you out of money.

Don't think you are silly at all, he was a using arsehole.

In a nutshell it's a lesson learned. Just don't do it again!

 I don't think he'll pay you back to be honest; I hope I am wrong. Ask for the full amount, the full 6 hours, you can say as it was social time you will discount from your usual rate. If you get it all excellent, if he gives you some then that's still a small win and if you get nothing then move on and remember not to trust anyone again! Don't bother fighting him over it in case he gets nasty and maybe just say that neither of you should contact the other again.

If he does just ignore and this can be your practise in getting tough!

[Mirror]

My advice would be ask for one hour, if he doesn't pay it immediately point out that you have spent a lot of time with him which hasn't been charged.

[Pay2play]

This has happened to me with a regular. When he ignored my request for payment he forgot to leave after his visit, I invoiced him. I sent it to his home address! I was absolutely livid! He was none to pleased bit paid immediately. Charge him half of the owed fee of 6hrs ,and let that be a lesson to him ! X

[CLondonGal]

Thank you all for such great and quick advice.

I will text him on Monday and ask for my 6 hour social rate to be paid into my bank account. I'll explain to him the reasoning behind it and hope that he pays in full.
And you're absolutely right, I haven't been doing this for a long time (in London) but thought that by not charging him my full rate it would mean that he would become a regular and it would pay off in the long run. It backfired but at least it's a lesson that I am learning early in the game 
It's such a shame that just because we are "sex workers" certain clients think that sex is all they should be paying for.

[JustAnotherHooker]

Thank you all for such great and quick advice.

I will text him on Monday and ask for my 6 hour social rate to be paid into my bank account. I'll explain to him the reasoning behind it and hope that he pays in full.
And you're absolutely right, I haven't been doing this for a long time (in London) but thought that by not charging him my full rate it would mean that he would become a regular and it would pay off in the long run. It backfired but at least it's a lesson that I am learning early in the game 
It's such a shame that just because we are "sex workers" certain clients think that sex is all they should be paying for.

If he doesn't pay you at all (its a possibility) then would you go to his work or is that bad? Depending on what he works as then you could claim to be a client? Its very indiscreet I know but he would deserve it if he doesn't pay you ANYTHING.

ALWAYS take the money first no matter how well you think you know the client, remember they think they know us but they don't really so it works the same with us thinking we know them.

Hope you get the cash xx

[sugar]

I think you should cut your losses and ask for the 1 hour or 2 hours if you feeling lucky.   If you ask for 6 hours,  with no sexual contact there is no chance he will pay. At least it covers the 2 clients you lost whilst you were out with him and you make something, instead of nothing

[JustAnotherHooker]

I think you should cut your losses and ask for the 1 hour or 2 hours if you feeling lucky.   If you ask for 6 hours,  with no sexual contact there is no chance he will pay. At least it covers the 2 clients you lost whilst you were out with him and you make something, instead of nothing

Exactly...I doubt you'll get the full fee either, sounds like he is taking the piss anyway by saying "I thought you enjoyed yourself" as if you shouldn't get paid, he is either delusional and thinks its dating or he knows exactly what hez doing and I think its the latter tbh.

If he doesn't pay you at all then at least meet him from work and if he's married then this will scare the hell out  of him because he knows you having nothing to lose by turning up and he has lots to lose, I wouldn't normally suggest this but in this scenario then yes.

[CLondonGal]

Although I know where he works and lives I wouldn't dare to show up there - it's quite close to where I live as well and I don't want it to get too messy. However, he doesn't know that so that could play in my favour.
I will ask him for my full fee - he then has the option of paying it in full, paying my one hour fee only or not paying anything at all. If he decides not to paying anything I will send him a nasty text but I will probably leave it at that. If I waste too much energy on this idiot I won't be using it in making money which is what matters at the end of the day.

[Justine]

I agree with the person who said it is most unlikely he will pay for the full time spent if he thought he didn't need to pay anything!   Asking for one hour is more reasonable if you hope to get any money from him at all. 

The other part is tricky. You know his home and work address and he also knows your home (or in call place) and only you know him, we don't so perhaps you have an idea if he could turn nasty if he opened his door to you unannounced. I assume he is single so no wife around as that would be a huge no, no matter if you lost money.

It would annoy me too but not nearly as much as if I had had sex with him so it could have been much worse.

The best idea could be if you put a note through his door but make it clear you expect to be paid but not in a threatening way, which could turn the situation into something you may regret.

Edited: I typed this before reading your own response above!

 

[Kay]

Always, always, always get some/all the money upfront.

There really is nothing else to say.

For the last dinner date example, as you sat down he should have handed you at least the 'social' part of the fee, and then perhaps the sex part later if he felt like it.

[Gypsy]

I utterly despise men like this. Fortunately, I've only had a couple that I have had to deal with over the 18 months that I've been doing this job. It's showing total disrespect to you. If you're anything like me, I dislike the majority of men. Of course, there are exceptions - I don't hate them all - but in my experience most men treat women badly and that's putting it politely.

So, why do these men expect your time for free knowing full well what you do? The answer to me is blindingly obvious. It's because they are utter *****!

[Justine]

I utterly despise men like this. Fortunately, I've only had a couple that I have had to deal with over the 18 months that I've been doing this job. It's showing total disrespect to you. If you're anything like me, I dislike the majority of men. Of course, there are exceptions - I don't hate them all - but in my experience most men treat women badly and that's putting it politely.

So, why do these men expect your time for free knowing full well what you do? The answer to me is blindingly obvious. It's because they are utter *****!

This I think is the nub of this situation and others like it. 

Despite being told by clients we are wonderful, gorgeous, fantastic company et al, if it came to a burning building situation we would be the last to be saved. They think we are perfect creatures when they are horny but most (not all) have little respect for us purely because we are doing a job they would hate their own wives or daughters doing.