Client turned sugar daddy turned drama. Any advice?

[jellib33]

Hello. I have been an escort in Canada for about a year now. It was a rough start with the two people who introduced me to the industry (another escort and her significant other). This girl and I became duo partners/friends for a while but that ended abruptly. They used to pimp me out and take half the money. I eventually became independent as they were probably scared of what they were doing (pimping is illegal in Canada although I'm pretty sure it's illegal everywhere lol). We had drama but I finally became independent. After this we tried to be friends but she was still so rude to me. Long story short, I despise her passionately and keep my distance from her now.

A little over a month by myself I met this client who was very fond of me. We developed this sort of friendship and he wanted to see me lots. He would see me 2-3 times a week and because he was seeing me so much we eventually came to an agreement of $1000 per week and he would see me 2-3 times. The sessions started to be a couple hours to more and more after a while. Eventually he would come over every day (it was cutting into my other client time, free time, etc.), but oddly enough however, I was totally okay with this because I was developing feelings for him. He really led me onto thinking he liked me too. He told me he was married but would say things like he would 'leave his wife if something good fell onto his lap', would I have a baby with him, loved me so much, etc. Looking back I couldn't believe how stupid and infatuated I was. He was coming over every day but also started texting me on weekends, right after he left, etc. and would blow up my phone till I said something. It did eventually became excessive and I started to build resentment towards him and I was so confused as he expected so much of me, and he apparently "loved" me, but yet he was married.

With the confusion and over time I was realizing he was doing nothing good for me emotionally and physically. He would see me so much and also be abusive towards me on so many levels. I felt crazy. For example he didn't want me to escort and only see him. Another example is that I would genuinely express my love and care for him but he would smash it down saying he didn't believe me 'because I'm an escort.' He would also talk me down quite a bit and I'd take it personally (probably because I cared for him), but he would be surprised as to why I did and that's 'just the way he talks'. With all of this I eventually spoke up to him recently but he obviously didn't like this. Now he has decided he is going to see me less and go back to the arrangement of paying me $1000 per three times he sees me.

The issue with this is that he knows so much about me now personally, and although I don't think he is an actual threat, he would lie about seeing other escorts and that part is fine - but what bugs me is that he is now seeing my old duo partner who I despise and he knows this (the girl that pimped me out and made me see excessive clients in a day while taking half the money and me having no choice - she is also back to escorting in the same city as me). Now though, I feel disgusting knowing that he's most likely seeing her and is gonna be seeing me but giving me even less money even though I'm the one who put up with the most shit lol.

Does anyone have any advice on this situation? Would you still see an ex sugar daddy despite such a deceptive and manipulative history together for the money? Would you cut him off entirely? Do you think I should message him and tell him not to say anything about me to my old duo partner if he's seeing her now? Or would that be getting a reaction and feeding his ego? I wish I knew better because right now I feel like I was so honest with everything and somehow ended up being on the losing end. Now I'm checking my phone continuously to see if he will text me, which he hasn't... So who is to say he even will... But like wtf?! Any advice ladies? I just feel so alone and confused in my own thoughts as to this whole scenario. Ugh

[DaisyDuck]

You should cut him off. No good will come from continuing to see him.

And he's likely to get ugly when you break it off. Brace yourself.

[VoluptuousCurves]

Cut him off completely.

How much of your personal information does he know? Real name, DOB?

[Mirror]

It sounds like you were really vulnerable when you started seeing this man. I'd advise you to cut him off because he's too much hassle, either that or impose very strict conditions and stick to them. Most clients won't cause trouble, as far as I'm aware paying for sex in Canada is illegal, so theoretically he's in a more precarious position than you are.

[xw5]

Is $1000 a week enough for you to see him? If not, you have your answer.

If it is, then her ever brings her up, you can lie: you're over her just as you are over him.

[SimplySinful]

I agree with those who say 'Cut him Off.  You yourself recognise he has been bad for you on so many levels.

But please don't beat yourself up about it. He got under your skin and it sounds like he does this on a regular basis and is rather an expert at manipulation on many levels.

I understand your concern about your personal info, unfortunately you have no control over what he may or may not do with it. I hope that he not THAT much of an asshole to spread the info or use it to try and manipulate you further.  Don't fall for this if he attempts to do this, keep a record of any further machinations or attempts at blackmail.

At the end of the day he doesn't deserve you.

[Lucie268]

Definitely cut him out entirely. He's manipulative and abusive and no money is worth that. You can make that money from honest, respectful clients who don't overstep your boundaries. It's difficult since he knows your personal info but if he attempts to blackmail you can go straight to the police.

[Umrao]

As all the ladies have previously advised cut him off asap. There are genuine clients and a genuine sugar daddies that you can give your time to.

When I first started I met a client who became my SD. He took care of me and I adored his company, he is a very intellectual man and I learned a lot from him. As a result of our situation his wife found out about us and it resulted in divorce. He lost everything and literally gave everything to his wife and children. He is over 30 years older than me and I never deserted him during his trying time.

This man looked after me immensely so I am there for him now. When ever he has the money he spoils me, not to the extent that he could in the past but we have great times together still.

My point is there are genuine SD's,SB's and Escorts and you need not subject yourself to abuse be it from friends, clients or partners. When you start loving and putting yourself first others will too.

[sweetmilf]

It sounds like this guy is pathologically obsessive. 

I'm specialised in dropping disordered clients.  The older one gets, one gets less tolerant of covert aggressiveness in words & action by both men and women.   I drop them like soggy knickers.  I wish I had this skill set in my younger years.  That's the only thing I truly regret. 

[ana30]

Does anyone have any advice on this situation? Would you still see an ex sugar daddy despite such a deceptive and manipulative history together for the money? Would you cut him off entirely? Do you think I should message him and tell him not to say anything about me to my old duo partner if he's seeing her now? Or would that be getting a reaction and feeding his ego?

This is something you need to ask yourself (rather than a bunch of strangers): " Do I want to deal with this abusive manipulative ass-ole and the tons of bullshyte that comes with it for 4,000 pounds a month?" Are the 4,000 worth it? Only you can answer this question.

But If you ask me if I would keep him? NO WAY. I may put up with the drama and the abuse for 20,000 a month, but definately NOT for 4,000.

(To the OP: you have a history of emotional abuse and tend to fall prey of these horrible people, like your ex friend and her pimp, and now your sugar daddy. Be careful it's looking like a pattern)

[mature helen]

I think you need to reassess what INDEPENDENT means.
You have gone from one controlling situation straight into another so in my book you are far from independent.
Independent not only means working for yourself, it means choosing your punters wisely, it means pre-empting problems with clingy manipulative punters, it means being able to confidently walk away from bad situations, it means not being so blinded by their cash that you put yourself into dangerous situations, it means not getting so close to these manipulative punters that they have a hold over you be it emotional or blackmail.
There is more to being an independent sex worker than just saying you are independent.
 

[ana30]

I think you need to reassess what INDEPENDENT means.
You have gone from one controlling situation straight into another so in my book you are far from independent.
Independent not only means working for yourself, it means choosing your punters wisely, it means pre-empting problems with clingy manipulative punters, it means being able to confidently walk away from bad situations, it means not being so blinded by their cash that you put yourself into dangerous situations, it means not getting so close to these manipulative punters that they have a hold over you be it emotional or blackmail.
There is more to being an independent sex worker than just saying you are independent.

This.

[Leilaa]

This man sounds like bad news and i agree with what someone said above you've walked out of one controlling situation into another. Get rid of him. Yes he knows alot about you but you also know alot about him and the fact that he's married he has more to loose. The most he can do is tell people about you and eventually he will get bored of that too. Best thing is to walk away.

[jellib33]

Thank you so much ladies for the advice. I am so glad i found this website!!

Yeah, it's crazy because I am starting to realize I actually have a lot of suppressed issues from growing up that are creeping up on me now the past year and recently turning 26 lol. I moved out last year only and that's thanks to escorting lol or I would have been there forever. It's a very important lesson learned that you have to protect yourself, sucks i had to learn this way . Before I even started escorting I would date really controlling boyfriends and it's crazy i have this pattern!! I am gonna take a step and go to counseling so I can learn how to set boundaries for myself in every scenario moving forward. Anyway though that's a totally different story.

He messaged me yesterday to see if I was available and I said I was booked. I see that he is messaging me on days this girl doesn't advertise. He is most likely going to message me tomorrow then or next week. Any suggestions on how I should handle it? Do you think i should just keep telling him I'm busy and he will get the hint, ignore him entirely, or should i have a conversation with him about it? He is just so crazy narcissistic and such a con man that i find even talking to him i always lose. I'm guessing he will be mad, or use some sort of manipulation tactic to keep me around. Any advice on how to handle it?

[SimplySinful]

Don't reply would be my advice. He thrives on attention, any kind of attention. Eventually he will get the message.

Or block which is what I'd do.

Good luck.