Going on a date....when n how do you reveal what you do for a living?

[ana30]

My advise: Proceed with caution. Do not tell him right away because you don't know this guy well. He could be a nice discreet person or he could be a massive prick who is going to call you names or tell everyone around. Information is power and you'll be giving him a lot of power by disclosing right away your occupation. Go on a date, maybe a couple dates, get to know a bit, see how he feels about the sex industry in the middle of a casual conversation ("gee... my neighbour is an escort and I'm friends with her, she's  nice girl bla bla"_) Dip your toe inside the water. Then after 2 or 3 dates AND IF you are still interested in the guy (maybe by them you don't want to date him anymore, who knows) and he's a nice and open minded person AND you see some relationship potential then "drop the bomb", but not before.

[Lady_Lust_XXX]

Whether it's right or whether it's wrong I wouldn't be disclosing that I was a SW at the beginning of dating scene. 

Many guys may think you'll jump in the sack with them just because of your job and that isn't fair.  We all deserve a private life.

[Erotic Masseuse]

I wouldn't tell him anything until you know if you like him, there is no need to tell him before you even meet him

[Gracious]

I wouldn't tell him anything until you know if you like him, there is no need to tell him before you even meet him

+1

I went on a first date last week and I told him I was a Dominatrix (just to see his reaction). The rest of the night went downhill from there because he made it all about his fetishes and what kinks he wanted to experience  I explained that I was meeting him for him, not to solicit for work but he just didnt get it and even offered me money for a session LOL. He was a nice guy but he couldnt fully grasp that I wanted to keep my work life separate from my personal life. He never contacted me back but he did give me some valuable advise before we ended the date: do not mention it on a first meet because that will be all they will think about!!

[Schwiftysquancher91]

I think you have to be very careful here!

Unless you are completely out to everyone do take care when revealing what you do. 

I would definately not reveal on a first date, you may not click, you may hate him!

Wait a little while, see if it?s its going anywhere then re-evaluate.

After all once it?s out you can?t put it back in, and unfortunately some guys have been known to turn nasty or try and out you if things turn sour.

I used to do this and I've wasted time and money on people who were not ok with my job. Even if their general view is that they have nothing against a sex workers it doesn't always mean they want to date one. Also not great when you find someone you -do- click with and then then they say it's not ok or kinda pretend to accept it as they have already seen you a few times, have sex with you then leave you in the dust!

IME people respect the fact that I'm honest about it if they know what I do straight away. I make it clear that I don't accept boundary pushers in work or my private life and I just want to get away from talking about sex. If they ask dumb questions I just get up, down my light ale and go. Screening processes are useful in and out of work 

[SimplySinful]

I used to do this and I've wasted time and money on people who were not ok with my job. Even if their general view is that they have nothing against a sex workers it doesn't always mean they want to date one. Also not great when you find someone you -do- click with and then then they say it's not ok or kinda pretend to accept it as they have already seen you a few times, have sex with you then leave you in the dust!

IME people respect the fact that I'm honest about it if they know what I do straight away. I make it clear that I don't accept boundary pushers in work or my private life and I just want to get away from talking about sex. If they ask dumb questions I just get up, down my light ale and go. Screening processes are useful in and out of work 

That?s great too, different things work for different people.

I on the other hand decided it was too much hassle to date whilst doing this line of work, partly due to this very dilemma.

As no way would I be open from the get go, just too risky for me personally.

OP would love to hear an update: let us know how it went/what approach you took?

[barbie88]

Some mixed advice here I can only tell you from my personal experience. I met a guy going a few years back when I wasnt working I was on a little break from escorting but still doing webcam I met him fell in Love told Him after a few weeks that I was a escort but was taking a break but I do webcam . He was happy with the cam but not the escorting which I understood I had had enough of working any way. I moved in with him quite quick he became very controlling after I had moved in he made my life hell Each civy Job I got he would always threaten to tell people what I used to do he would constantly smash up my laptop so i couldn't webcam . When I finally left him I left his house with only 60 quid in my pocket  . Luckily my family already new but he did tell all the new friends I had made and he felt the need to tell my nans next door neighbour he had her on facebook luckily my nan had already told her. I promised my self from that day  I wouldn't choose love over money again.

Also I would never tell a guy what I do . I have been on dates but they have not lead any where any way . If things were to get serious with some one I would just stop working if I was in a position too I would just do my webcam but I still wouldnt say any thing . Its great to be honest but also need to think of your self because people can judge and be nasty .

My advice is to not say any thing  x

[ana30]

Some mixed advice here I can only tell you from my personal experience. I met a guy going a few years back when I wasnt working I was on a little break from escorting but still doing webcam I met him fell in Love told Him after a few weeks that I was a escort but was taking a break but I do webcam . He was happy with the cam but not the escorting which I understood I had had enough of working any way. I moved in with him quite quick he became very controlling after I had moved in he made my life hell Each civy Job I got he would always threaten to tell people what I used to do he would constantly smash up my laptop so i couldn't webcam . When I finally left him I left his house with only 60 quid in my pocket  . Luckily my family already new but he did tell all the new friends I had made and he felt the need to tell my nans next door neighbour he had her on facebook luckily my nan had already told her. I promised my self from that day  I wouldn't choose love over money again.

Also I would never tell a guy what I do . I have been on dates but they have not lead any where any way . If things were to get serious with some one I would just stop working if I was in a position too I would just do my webcam but I still wouldnt say any thing . Its great to be honest but also need to think of your self because people can judge and be nasty .

My advice is to not say any thing  x

Sorry to hear your story, but he didn't turn your life into a living hell because you were an escort, he turned your life into hell because he was one big fat abusive and controlling tw-t. Had you been a waitress he would have still abused you big time. I believe your mistake was NOT disclosing you were an escort, but disclosing it to a major abusive tw-t.

[Lucie268]

It really depends on what's at stake for you if you're outed. I'm lucky in that all of my social circle know already so it's not a secret. Fortunately I've had good relationships while escorting because I've been with mature and open minded men. Unfortunately, there'll always be people out there who want to use it against you, or will hurt you in some way. I told a guy what I did, he seemed fine with it, we slept together, and then he ghosted me. I found out later from a mutual friend it was because he had a problem with my job. So obviously, I felt really used 

[barbie88]

Thanks Ana Hun he certainly was a nutter but I personally am put off from dating any one like I said had a few dates
but nothing major I dated some one recently who turned out to be a idiot so glad never told him any thing  either .
Im happy being single less stress but me personally I will be keeping  my job a secret xx

[CurlsnCurves]

So I decided I would tell him before we met so no time was wasted either side n he still wanted to meet. I didn't know anything about what he was into sexually but it turns out we are very well matched in that respect which surprises us both. I didn't sleep with him as I didn't go out intending on doing so although of course the excitement of finding mutual shared sexual interests that he's never encountered with other women meant he was keen to get my knickers off. He came back but I made it clear no sex and we stuck to that but had a bit of a snog which made me tingle n get wet. I never feel that or get wet with guys when I'm escorting. Lube is literally my best friend. I thought I never would again be without lube to be honest and just be going through the motions of liking sex but not getting that huge buzz from it as I used to, so a tingle just from kissing is amazing n something I'd forgotten even existed and he is a great kisser which is another thing I'd forgotten men could even be. But at the back of my mind I did wonder if I just needed to be with a non punter to get those feelings back again and it seems as though I was right. So I am seeing him again tomorrow evening n maybe or maybe not we might fuck. I do need to find out how the sex is as if it isn't as good as I think it might be I will lose interest and just feel like I do when escorting which I certainly don't want, it HAS to feel different! Yes I do want more than a sexual relationship but sex is still important nonetheless. He is just as happy to chill out, watch movies, cuddle and eat pizza with me and listen to me talk and laugh at my jokes. He said if he did ever feel jealous about my work he would tell me and we could decide where to go from there. But no he wasn't freaked out by my confession. I just don't think I could hold back what my work is whilst trying to get to know someone. I'm pretty honest and it wouldn't feel right to me. If we clicked n then I said something further down the line and got rejected I would absolutely hate that.

[Treetop]

So I decided I would tell him before we met so no time was wasted either side n he still wanted to meet. I didn't know anything about what he was into sexually but it turns out we are very well matched in that respect which surprises us both. I didn't sleep with him as I didn't go out intending on doing so although of course the excitement of finding mutual shared sexual interests that he's never encountered with other women meant he was keen to get my knickers off. He came back but I made it clear no sex and we stuck to that but had a bit of a snog which made me tingle n get wet. I never feel that or get wet with guys when I'm escorting. Lube is literally my best friend. I thought I never would again be without lube to be honest and just be going through the motions of liking sex but not getting that huge buzz from it as I used to, so a tingle just from kissing is amazing n something I'd forgotten even existed and he is a great kisser which is another thing I'd forgotten men could even be. But at the back of my mind I did wonder if I just needed to be with a non punter to get those feelings back again and it seems as though I was right. So I am seeing him again tomorrow evening n maybe or maybe not we might fuck. I do need to find out how the sex is as if it isn't as good as I think it might be I will lose interest and just feel like I do when escorting which I certainly don't want, it HAS to feel different! Yes I do want more than a sexual relationship but sex is still important nonetheless. He is just as happy to chill out, watch movies, cuddle and eat pizza with me and listen to me talk and laugh at my jokes. He said if he did ever feel jealous about my work he would tell me and we could decide where to go from there. But no he wasn't freaked out by my confession. I just don't think I could hold back what my work is whilst trying to get to know someone. I'm pretty honest and it wouldn't feel right to me. If we clicked n then I said something further down the line and got rejected I would absolutely hate that.

This sounds fab, i was wonderig how the date went! See howbit goes but the "tingle" is just the best after a time eacorting and forgetting it! As is the offer of pizza and chilling out!
Hope this goes well for you. Good luck with tomorrow and he sounds like he took it well and was mature about it! :-)

[carachameleon]

As much as it is a job, I have taken for granted how easy it is with clients compared to civvy first date. With clients, both of us knows the deal. Sex is guaranteed and it's easy not to have to worry about whether fucking them is the 'right move'. It's also a lot easier to be around clients as we've got it pat down and to a routine. Also, it is a lot easier when the sleeping with each other bit is done. With civvies, it's hard to know when that time is. Having been on a one month break post surgery, I can safely say that I miss client sex a lot and that work beats swiping on Tinder! 

[Chanel xxx]

I agree with that if you have no issue with being outed then why not disclose? But im thinking how many men would admit that they see SW's?
Also if you use sites like tinder or any site that is connected to your personal social media accounts then the person you are 'dating' or thinking about dating may be able to cause unnecessary drama?
And if you use the same pics on dating sites as you do on your SW profiles or show face it may well be that certain men that contact you via dating websites may have an idea of who you are and what you do without you even having to disclose..


The world isnt full of people trying to do the worst, but Its important to stay safe. Especially when online x

[Green Carnation]

I am too scared to date civvy guys, always worried i will get outed when things turn sour. I only date married clients, which gives me a sense of security- they know my secret, i know their secret. Sad i know, but i just couldn't date a 'normal' man.