Do people just have less respect these days for others' time?

[Flamingopenguin]

This is a bit of a rant, ive been escorting since 2012 and of course had always had timewasters, but recently over the last 2 years or so, its like all self employed businesses are really noticing how people just have no respect for others and their time anymore? I used to have loads of regulars who i would see weekly/monthly and they NEVER let me down, then these days will waste my time and cancel very short notice. One regular client had booked  an overnight well in advance, and then pushed it back a month, and it was rescheduled for tomorrow, ive just had an email saying he has had to go up north for family reasons giving me a days notice, so cancelled my meet. I can jnderstand but if there are underlying problems at home why book anything at all? Nowadays when i do incalls from a hotel, guaranteed one of the men who originally booked to see me will cancel, so much that i get uneasy when no one has cancelled on the day. I have a deposit system and stringent vetting process too and only see guys with several positive feedbacks.  My boyfriends dad is self employed and people, especially londoners, mess him around and dont pay on time loads now when several years ago he was flat out working and it was less of an occurance to be paid late. It just seems that these men really do not respect my time or value me, when they cancel i always mention how if i was fitting a kitchen for them or fixing their car, would they treat me the same as i am overall providing a service. Has anyone else noticed this shift recently or am i just more sensitive to it right now? X

[chocoholicgirl]

I'm newer to this than you but when I started I preferred bookings, through the system and I rarely got a cancellation. If feedback was good then it rarely happened. As time went on it started to happen more and got some no shows that had booked through AW. 

So I always used to prefer it if I had advance bookings especially if I had a hotel booked. But as time has gone on with all these TW's I have changed my system and now much prefer to get bookings on the day. Advance bookings make me nervous as I may turn others down for a booking that never happens so unless I've seen someone before or feedback is exceptional I won't take them. I err on the side of caution but I never double book, I'm not that popular sadly!! It makes it more stressful though because a nice advance booking (if it happens) is a safety net and taking them last minute you never know if the day will turn out a blank.

I do always think though that guys have very little respect for our time. I had a lovely hour booked today for 12, booked last night late, cancelled at 10am. At least he cancelled I suppose. Knob. You can't tar them all with the same brush but yes, a lot of the time I feel that our time is not valued as much as it would be if we were in a different profession.

[Rosesugar]

There are reliable genuine clients who don't usually let me down then I get a cancellation from them.
It seems people prioritise what seems to be important to them .
Some are just plain unreliable and also indecisive I don't entertain those .
With advance booking requests I ask them to call on the day to confirm and guess what they don't bother 80% .
I don't ask for a deposit to be honest just better communication.
They expect us  to part the sea for them in return we seem to be just an option at times 

[Justine]

Disrespect for others' time is across the board in all businesses but some more than others, think of the plumber or electrician who says he will be there at 2 and with no communication does not show up. He has double booked or taken on a more lucrative offer of work.  Most annoying but we can almost expect it at some time or other. I wonder if any of us have reviewed these tradesmen and posted online that he did not turn up. I haven't because these men have our details and addresses and we just go away quietly don't we?

With our services though it is probably much more common because the men who do this to us will be thinking oh she can get someone else if I don't turn up or cancel. That may be so but not a given but that is not the point. The sad fact is a lot of potential or even known punters have us at the bottom of the pile when it comes to respect or reliability on their part.

I doubt that will ever change. We take a booking from a first timer to us and breath a little sigh of relief when we know he has turned up and is about to knock on the door.  It should not be that way but we are poweless to alter it.

[chocoholicgirl]

Disrespect for others' time is across the board in all businesses but some more than others, think of the plumber or electrician who says he will be there at 2 and with no communication does not show up. He has double booked or taken on a more lucrative offer of work.  Most annoying but we can almost expect it at some time or other. I wonder if any of us have reviewed these tradesmen and posted online that he did not turn up. I haven't because these men have our details and addresses and we just go away quietly don't we?

With our services though it is probably much more common because the men who do this to us will be thinking oh she can get someone else if I don't turn up or cancel. That may be so but not a given but that is not the point. The sad fact is a lot of potential or even known punters have us at the bottom of the pile when it comes to respect or reliability on their part.

I doubt that will ever change. We take a booking from a first timer to us and breath a little sigh of relief when we know he has turned up and is about to knock on the door.  It should not be that way but we are poweless to alter it.

I actually don't think they think about it at all. They book with you, carry on ringing round for someone cheaper / nearer / shorter notice, book with them, go and see them and it never crosses their mind they already booked our time. I do two things to keep this timewasting to a minimum.

1 - I only take bookings (for incalls) with about half hour notice (except if I've seen them before). If they call at 12pm for 4pm I ask them how long it will take them to get here, if it's under half an hour I say well you can pay a deposit now or call me back at 3.30pm. Instead of reserving them that time at 12pm, I tell them it's not booked until they call me back. If they don't call, fine. Some do, some don't. If they do, great, that's two stages passed  and they get the booking time. Still not foolproof but much much better than booking them in at 12pm and co-ordinating potential others around a booking that may or may not confirm.

2 - Put my prices up. Has helped tremendously!

[Mirror]

I can confirm it's across all businesses, and isn't a new thing.

Over the years I've altered how I work which has increased client reliability, and resulted in a peel off of unreliable regulars. The clients I'm left with hardly ever cancel, those who do have usually paid a deposit so I'm not totally out of pocket.

[TandPJS]

I can confirm it's across all businesses, and isn't a new thing.

Over the years I've altered how I work which has increased client reliability, and resulted in a peel off of unreliable regulars. The clients I'm left with hardly ever cancel, those who do have usually paid a deposit so I'm not totally out of pocket.

how did you change your practices mirror? i just changed my advert to something way more detailed. generally i prefer guys who book a little in advance, i find they're quite reliable then a guy who books the day before or the same day as it's guys who are planning to work at home or have a night at home alone so they decide to have a cheeky visitor and organise ahead. They also tend to be the better clients.
It seems to be worst for younger punters, i'm actually considering banning appointments with under 25s cos they seem incapable of honouring dates

[Mirror]

how did you change your practices mirror? i just changed my advert to something way more detailed. generally i prefer guys who book a little in advance, i find they're quite reliable then a guy who books the day before or the same day as it's guys who are planning to work at home or have a night at home alone so they decide to have a cheeky visitor and organise ahead. They also tend to be the better clients.
It seems to be worst for younger punters, i'm actually considering banning appointments with under 25s cos they seem incapable of honouring dates

I changed to outcall only, partly due to a change in my lifestyle, partly because I was a bit fed up of incalls and also wanted more time and security / flexibility.

That simple change really made a huge difference, towards the end of routine incalls I also introduced a deposit for new clients and anyone who cancelled a lot.

Some of these changes could have been made by just simply enforcing boundaries with some clients - I'd been very lenient with quite a few for a long time.

Oh and I stopped accepting new enquiries by text message, that has also made a noticeable difference both reliability and client attitude outside of bookings. I used to have issues with people who liked to take a lot of time texting to arrange bookings, both first and subsequent. Since declining text as first contact this has massively reduced, doesn't mean I don't use text once a definite booking is agreed (and ideally the deposit received), or with regulars, but it has improved things greatly.

[Marianne]

I always have said "look, when you go to the doctors surgery, there is a big sign in reception saying '352 patients failed to attend their appointments last month. Please cancel if you can't attend'"
I figure if that many people can't be arsed to cancel a doctors appointment what chance do we have with regards to politeness and respect!
I think it's a sign of our times and just try to not let it wind me up.

[amy]

I think it's a sign of our times and just try to not let it wind me up.

I agree - my gym runs regular classes and the very popular ones are always massively oversubscribed so they run a waiting list system where if somebody cancels, everybody on the waiting list gets an email with a link so they have a chance to book into the space.

The kettlebell, yoga and spinning classes can have a waiting list of 20+ but I've learned that if I can't get on one it's worth turning up anyway because there are always people who don't show and I got fed up of missing out. I've seen classes with massive waiting lists go ahead little more than two thirds full - people just don't give a shit that somebody else might have been able to join in if they'd just cancelled in good time, and it's the same principle with punters.

[Mirror]

I agree - my gym runs regular classes and the very popular ones are always massively oversubscribed so they run a waiting list system where if somebody cancels, everybody on the waiting list gets an email with a link so they have a chance to book into the space.

The kettlebell, yoga and spinning classes can have a waiting list of 20+ but I've learned that if I can't get on one it's worth turning up anyway because there are always people who don't show and I got fed up of missing out. I've seen classes with massive waiting lists go ahead little more than two thirds full - people just don't give a shit that somebody else might have been able to join in if they'd just cancelled in good time, and it's the same principle with punters.

A new studio local to me will only take pre-pay bookings via an app, you can't turn up and offer cash - if you cancel less than 12 hours notice members lost a fiver, non-members the whole class pass which is more than a fiver depending on which type of pass deal you are on. The local authority facility have also moved onto a pre-pay system for anyone who isn't a member.

[VoluptuousCurves]

I do think it's a consequence of our modern world with its instant gratification culture.

When I was a kid (and into adulthood!) the TV stopped at 11pm, the shops shut at 5pm, Sunday was a wasteland of boredom (unless you liked petrol stations and garden centres), the kids TV programs were on from 4pm-6pm daily and 10am-12pm on weekends. If you ordered something from a catalogue it usually took at least a month to turn up (and then was usually shit.)

You got used to waiting for things, is my general thrust here.

Nowadays it's all 24hr shopping, always-on cheap internet, 24hr TV, thousands of channels, streaming to your phone, etc etc etc. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to play bingo at 3am when I can't sleep or watch old episodes of the X-files when I'm in the bath. But I do think it creates a culture where we are losing the quality of patience, and also we are becoming more disconnected with other humans than ever before. After all you're just a number to text or even a booking form to spam through, right? Not a real person.

[Flamingopenguin]

thanks for all the fantastic replies, must say you all summed up what i was thinking! its like an ongoing, real life episode of black mirror, i remember one client told me he felt that ordering an escort was easier than ordering a pizza... and a similar process at that! in a weird way i find it comforting that doctors surgeries and gyms have the same problem, that its not just me or escorts that get messed around. doing this job has made me so sympathetic to others, and i never cancel appointments, i pay on time, and it makes me think about what goes on behind closed doors in businesses. i think as you say we are very low priority to these guys, and as i am low volume i find it difficult to replace a booking that has cancelled short notice, especially if it was booked in advance and i turned away other guys. i also think that it doesn't matter how many precautions you have, i have high rates, low volume, and stringent vetting and still these things happen.
everything is about convenience and they want it now! not in half an hour, not in half a day but now! its when regulars of 3 or 4 years transform from loyal and super reliable to slinking away and failing to even inform you that they cannot make the booking and avoiding all contact that really winds me up, the guys that have spent thousands on me on overnights in the past and heaps of man hours talking, and then they still do that! it shows me that we really do not know them at all, and they generally do not give a hoot!

[chocoholicgirl]

Agree with all this, also I think that an awful lot of guys don't understand it's a business we are running. I think some of them reckon we just lounge around in our sexy gear all day waiting for someone to make an appearance and we should be happy when they deign to grace us with their presence and fling us a bit of pocket money. They just don't see that what we do pays the bills and mortgage, like their job does.

Actually when I have a guy that does everything right I praise them for it, making sure they understand they have been respectful and it's appreciated. I try not to sound patronising but they are usually happy about it! It's actually quite ironic, with what you said VC, that the instant gratification culture means we have a million ways these days to get in touch with someone, yet guys are unable to even send a short text when they are not going to make it.

 

[DaisyDuck]

They sure do get mad if you double book or cancel short notice! Even though they still have their money in their pocket to deny them sex is simply unacceptable to them.