Getting married with a punter

[amy]

You could probably have written an actual post containing words and sentences the time it took to do all that quoting .

I think the sweeping generalisations about all or most punters being X or Y is just plain odd - people who do a particular thing don't necessarily share any other personal characteristics - why would they? Some people who pay for sex are dickheads and many other are not, just as some people who like football, play computer games or make model aeroplanes are too; there's no common personal trait, just the common activity?

If we're saying that all people who buy sex are unsuitable romantic partners regardless of the situation which led to them wanting to do so are we also saying the same about people who sell it, or is the rank hypocrisy alive and kicking as ever?

[Mirror]

You could probably have written an actual post containing words and sentences the time it took to do all that quoting .

I think the sweeping generalisations about all or most punters being X or Y is just plain odd - people who do a particular thing don't necessarily share any other personal characteristics - why would they? Some people who pay for sex are dickheads and many other are not, just as some people who like football, play computer games or make model aeroplanes are too; there's no common personal trait, just the common activity?

If we're saying that all people who buy sex are unsuitable romantic partners regardless of the situation which led to them wanting to do so are we also saying the same about people who sell it, or is the rank hypocrisy alive and kicking as ever?

Sex buyers certainly aren't homogenous clones.

Does it add anything to the thread if I reveal I married a client? I didn't set out specifically to find a 'client' or 'non-client' or even a husband, it all happened in it's own time, and I had a variety of relationships before, and during my sex work.

As far as I'm aware he no longer has sex with anyone else, and I only have sex with men who pay. Those are the boundaries we have arrived at together.

[BlaqHarlot]

I dont think clients are any better or worse than civilians to be honest. They only show us what they want to show us, just as we do with them.
They could be the nicest person as a client and then the most horrible person as a boyfriend/husband. You just never know.

I would never rule out dating a client because you just dont know who you might fall for, and I think to generalise all clients is sad, we get judged in this industry enough by outsiders who generalise all escorts whether it be as *druggies* *desperate for money* *home wreckers* *daddy issues* or similar, so why would I want to do as they have done and judge someone who pays me for sex? They are no different to the people who I walk past in the street.

Also, you never truly know what your partners past was like before you, so for those who say they would never date a client or would never date an escort wont truly know. They couldve paid or been paid for sex way before you come on the scene. Surely its best to judge people as individuals.

Ive dated a client before & nothing would stop me from doing it again. Infact it was refreshing to be able to be open about my second job (escorting).

[JackieEdinburgh]

I can't help but looking at it from the other point of view - to a greater or lesser extent we offer clients a 'fantasy' experience where we're always nice, always agreeable, always 'up for it'. What happens in a 'real' relationship when you're not 'that girl' all the time...?

[SuperCheese]

I can't help but looking at it from the other point of view - to a greater or lesser extent we offer clients a 'fantasy' experience where we're always nice, always agreeable, always 'up for it'. What happens in a 'real' relationship when you're not 'that girl' all the time...?

That's exactly what I was thinking. When I have a booking, they don't meet the Super Cheese who eats a full bag of Kettle Chips when depressed, or the Super Cheese who's a stressed mum with every day issues. I essentially play a character, I'm an actress who stars in a private fantasy. I also think that many clients act out a role as well, for preservation purposes. When they meet me, they aren't the husband who's told his wife he's going to Asda or the dad rocking his 2 year old to sleep. It works both ways. So most of the time, neither of us are actually showing our true selves, so essentially, I don't see it as a great start to relationship.

[seraphine]

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[amy]

But you're conflating 'men who pay for sex' with 'men who habitually pay for sex' and also 'men who cheat on their wives'. I'm not, since whilst there's obvious crossovers, not all punters are married and nor are they 'habitual', however we're defining that. Plenty of cheating men don't punt, after all and I wouldn't want one of them for a partner either - maybe it's a different way of thinking in the US because of the illegality and the general puritanism in the culture?

As for statistics, they can be manipulated to prove absolutely any point anybody wants to make, as proved by the various hoary old cliches regularly pulled out the hat by the anti-prostitution lobby (the case where they 'proved' that virtually all prostitutes started working before they were eighteen by asking child prostitutes was a master stroke ). If I wanted to 'prove' that 90+% of men were murderers I could probably do that in next to no time if the only men I asked were inmates in a maximum security jail; it's not what you ask, it's about being very selective as to whom you ask it.

Maybe the punters I meet are just more diverse than other people's, but I doubt it. The majority of them have next to nothing in common personality-wise and I'm thankful for that or it would be a very dull going on indeed. There are plenty of pretty everyday things I would struggle to accept if I was looking for a partner, but their having paid for sex is not one of them.

[Mirror]

But you're conflating 'men who pay for sex' with 'men who habitually pay for sex' and also 'men who cheat on their wives'. I'm not, since whilst there's obvious crossovers, not all punters are married and nor are they 'habitual', however we're defining that. Plenty of cheating men don't punt, after all and I wouldn't want one of them for a partner either - maybe it's a different way of thinking in the US because of the illegality and the general puritanism in the culture?

As for statistics, they can be manipulated to prove absolutely any point anybody wants to make, as proved by the various hoary old cliches regularly pulled out the hat by the anti-prostitution lobby (the case where they 'proved' that virtually all prostitutes started working before they were eighteen by asking child prostitutes was a master stroke ). If I wanted to 'prove' that 90+% of men were murderers I could probably do that in next to no time if the only men I asked were inmates in a maximum security jail; it's not what you ask, it's about being very selective as to whom you ask it.

Maybe the punters I meet are just more diverse than other people's, but I doubt it. The majority of them have next to nothing in common personality-wise and I'm thankful for that or it would be a very dull going on indeed. There are plenty of pretty everyday things I would struggle to accept if I was looking for a partner, but their having paid for sex is not one of them.

People also have a variety of reasons for 'cheating', how about someone who's wife is constantly with other men not with them, for years? If he goes off and does his own thing whilst also supporting her financially, is that a sign of such a poor character?

[amy]

People also have a variety of reasons for 'cheating', how about someone who's wife is constantly with other men not with them, for years? If he goes off and does his own thing whilst also supporting her financially, is that a sign of such a poor character?

But if everybody's aware of the situation and accepting of it, it isn't cheating, is it? I'm talking about situations.where somebody is being deliberately deceived although I maybe didn't make that clear .

[seraphine]

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[Lillys0]

The real me and my escorting persona is very different, I'm always up for it happy, hang onto every word a client says because I'm paid to do so, I can be a right bitch outside of escorting

[amy]

Would you equate sex work with any other work? In terms of the impact on your body/ emotions/ spirituality.
Or is it just me - because of my unfortunate background, that I see it as essentially abusive?

Well I think that it proves the point I was trying to make about punters - we all have different views on, reasons for and experiences of doing sex work and because of that, trying to broadbrush us as being the same just doesn't work and demeans us all. Some/many people are not going to be the ones who 'fit' whatever the agenda is of whoever is trying to make a point, and to try and get round this by saying that their points are less valid than others as examples of sex workers is disingenuous, lazy and simplistic.

I wouldn't equate sex work with working for an employer because being self employed is not the same. I would equate it to offering any other service as a self employed person, because that is what I do. In terms of impact my body and mental state are n the best shape they've ever been in my adult life, because I can eat decent food, rest/work/not work when I like, afford a gym membership at our new sports centre and live in a lovely flat that I can heat properly without worrying about the bills.

I have disliked every civvy job I've ever had for one reason or another, and the only exceptions to that were the ones I out and out hated instead - I used to work twelve hour rotating shifts on my feet in a factory and that was one of the jobs I liked better. Rolling about with random blokes for a handful of hours a week and being paid a relative fortune for it is a piece of piss compared working three part time jobs at once for a pittance and getting four hours sleep a night if I was lucky.

As for the spirituality, I was born on a scheme in Edinburgh and grew up on a council estate in the north east of England, so it's fair to say that in the forty five years I've been alive I don't think it's a word that's ever crossed my mind .

[GG]

In terms of impact my body and mental state are n the best shape they've ever been in my adult life, because I can eat decent food, rest/work/not work when I like, afford a gym membership at our new sports centre and live in a lovely flat that I can heat properly without worrying about the bills.

I have disliked every civvy job I've ever had for one reason or another, and the only exceptions to that were the ones I out and out hated instead - I used to work twelve hour rotating shifts on my feet in a factory and that was one of the jobs I liked better. Rolling about with random blokes for a handful of hours a week and being paid a relative fortune for it is a piece of piss compared working three part time jobs at once for a pittance and getting four hours sleep a night if I was lucky.

+1 The thought of having to go back to 'civvy' work is enough to bring me out in a panic attack and people think we are the ones that need saving 

[Mirror]

My point was/is that life isn't as simple as black and white.

[seraphine]

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