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Author Topic: rape  (Read 3305 times)

naughtyholly

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rape
« on: 27 June 2010, 10:47:22 pm »
hi,

i need some help, my escort friend was raped twice, the first she reported to the police and was not treated well. she has not reported the second that happened over a year ago simply because how she was treated by the police and now this guy who raped her has emailed her (he regularly has text and emailed her since the rape) and has said about raping someone else, and now she wants to tell the police but is scared to because how she was treated by the police the last time and i was looking for some advice to give her, can she tell maybe another police force and if she can is there any sympathetic police forces as i have heard different boroughs the police treat escorts differently, some nice and some not, and what else can i tell her to go to and read or who to speak to to help her.

thanks in advance,
holly

amy

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Re: rape
« Reply #1 on: 27 June 2010, 11:25:09 pm »
Hi Holly and welcome to SAAFE  :)

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's experience, and it is true that police forces vary but this is very much the exception rather than the rule, and the vast majority of police treat victims of attacks exactly as they should regardless of the circumstances. Many ladies have had cause to report incidents and been understandably worried about doing so but the feedback is nearly always positive and to discriminate against her to the point of ignoring a serious assault is not only reprehensible, but a complete abuse of the legal process.

I don't know where your friend is based, but I would recommend that you contact your nearest local sex work project - they have experienced staff who can support her before, during and after reporting to the police and they have the contacts for each station or force to make sure that you get to deal with the right person. PM me if you like and I can send names and contact numbers to you. Your friend is vulnerable - she has already been attacked and is now being stalked, and this is a very serious situation.

I would also recommend a call to the Independent Police Complaints Commission - the behaviour you describe is not acceptable, your project will be able to help you with that too.

Hope this helps x

LauraLee

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Re: rape
« Reply #2 on: 28 June 2010, 02:33:23 pm »
I can't add to the excellent advice given by Amy except to say that's horrendous and I hope your
friend gets the support, help and justice she deserves.  :'( :'(

KatieKurves

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Re: rape
« Reply #3 on: 28 June 2010, 03:53:40 pm »
Excellent advice. Tell your friend to go for it, it's not fair he is walking around like that & having the bloody gall to be in contact with her!!!!! I hope she saved the messages.

Good luck.

Kate x

misscleo

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Re: rape
« Reply #4 on: 28 June 2010, 04:02:43 pm »
This scumbag needs to be caught and jailed, take Amy's advice please.

Miss Jameson

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Re: rape
« Reply #5 on: 28 June 2010, 05:33:35 pm »
I am appalled by this.

I have two requests: In a case like this, his information needs to be on EVERY bad date website in existence. Also, in retrospect, she needs to figure out what she could have done differently to avoid the situation and tell people so they can avoid this. A more account of how the police treated her would be nice; whether a report was filed, and I would seek to make a report through the hierarchy of the legal system should be looked into. The deliberate ignorance of an outcry for help should be illegal. I hope she gets help from the outreach program you suggest, Amy.

I know screening is not the norm in the UK, but I SWEAR it needs to be. This can't be the way things are, you ladies just meet any joe off the street, without more advanced notice than an hour, without regard for their intent. I know you probably hear this quite a bit from people who don't know any better, but I've been an escort for five years, and I have YET to have a bad date. It may be because I have had to be very careful over the years, but it's legality in the UK should not stop you ladies from being just as careful. Even in the US I worry about meeting a crazy person more than the police. I have a daughter that I just HAVE to be around for, and this just won't do.

Any thoughts on this?
Miss Jameson
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amy

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Re: rape
« Reply #6 on: 28 June 2010, 06:03:13 pm »
Tiffani, you don't need me to tell you that the UK is not the same as the US, and we all screen clients - we just do it in a different way. Possession of somebody's legal identity will not stop them attacking you if they are intent on doing so; all we can do is provide as many effective deterrents as possible and apply as many security measures as we can. The fault here is not with Holly and her friend and Holly came here requesting advice - if she does not want to post all the gory details on a public message board (that the offender could well be reading) she does not have to, and the behaviour of the police would be better described to and investigated by an appropriate body, not detailed here for us all to wring our hands about.

The vast majority of us do not just admit any random punter who wanders in off the street and are extremely vigilant when it comes to our safety and security - I have been robbed once in over seven years (partly my own fault for being too slack wth a repeat client) and apart from a couple of oddballs that is it - most of the ladies I know have never experienced violence of any kind. I agree that the client's details should be added to the various Warnings boards if they are not already there, and if I hear back from Holly I will suggest this for her to pass on to her friend.

Miss Jameson

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Re: rape
« Reply #7 on: 28 June 2010, 07:01:23 pm »
Tiffani, you don't need me to tell you that the UK is not the same as the US, and we all screen clients - we just do it in a different way. Possession of somebody's legal identity will not stop them attacking you if they are intent on doing so; all we can do is provide as many effective deterrents as possible and apply as many security measures as we can. The fault here is not with Holly and her friend and Holly came here requesting advice - if she does not want to post all the gory details on a public message board (that the offender could well be reading) she does not have to, and the behaviour of the police would be better described to and investigated by an appropriate body, not detailed here for us all to wring our hands about.

The vast majority of us do not just admit any random punter who wanders in off the street and are extremely vigilant when it comes to our safety and security - I have been robbed once in over seven years (partly my own fault for being too slack wth a repeat client) and apart from a couple of oddballs that is it - most of the ladies I know have never experienced violence of any kind. I agree that the client's details should be added to the various Warnings boards if they are not already there, and if I hear back from Holly I will suggest this for her to pass on to her friend.


Amy, I didn't say what I said as to offend. You have to understand I'm trying to learn as well, and you have to see things from my perspective. True, what I said was a very blanket statement, but I know that every lady in the UK isn't just 'fucking the nation'. I know a couple ladies in the UK that were NICE enough to show me ways of searching for information through phone numbers and professional databases, and SAAFE was the first place mentioned. And it's not so much as legal identity that's needed to keep ladies safe. I know ladies who have encountered the worst kind of guy having this information, and COULD NOT report it, because it would jeopardize her business and family as a whole.  I know in cases like this there are site just for ladies, where they can post these things, without fear of judgement, where in most cases, the ladies make the same mistakes, and we work together as a community to keep ladies out of the situations that make us vulnerable.

We're on the same team here. I'm just offering my .02.
Miss Jameson
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LauraLee

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Re: rape
« Reply #8 on: 28 June 2010, 10:21:44 pm »
"I know screening is not the norm in the UK, but I SWEAR it needs to be. This can't be the way things are, you ladies just meet any joe off the street, without more advanced notice than an hour, without regard for their intent."

Whoa there, we have a buddy scheme here in the UK which helps to keep individual SP's safe.

As Amy said, if a guy is intent on raping a lady, then he will do so, regardless of any screening processes.

In the UK, what we do is quite legal, so I personally would have no qualms about going to the authorities. Where you are it's illegal, right ?

To give you an example of the buddy system in action -

About two years ago I was buddying a new lady in Glasgow and she went to a hotel for an outcall.

We had an agreed script between us, if she called and said "I'm here and everything is fine", then I would relax.
If she said "I'm here and everything's fine, by the way he's lovely", then I would know something was wrong.

So on this occassion I called the hotel and asked to be put through to the room.

The client answered the phone and I said, " Hi, as I understand it, you have a prostitute held against her will
in your hotel room. Let her go right now, or we'll see what the hotel management have to say about it."

Funnily enough that had the desired effect. My point is, we may not have the intense screening process that
you have, but we do keep one and other safe.

naughtyholly

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Re: rape
« Reply #9 on: 29 June 2010, 12:17:45 am »
hi everyone,

thanks so much for all your advice, i am copy and pasting all of this and emailing it to her now. i have told her about saafe warnings and wasters and also theoldestprof and she did post on there i think, but can't remember if it was the rapist or just a timewaster etc. i will direct her to these boards as i do not know the whole story as it is very painful for her to tell me, i only know he barebacked anally raped as well as vaginally bareback raped her. i don't want to write too much as it is not my place too in case she feels i am writing all about her ordeal and she may not want me to, but i will give her all of your advice and she can go from there. she is in nw london and it happened in kings cross. and i will ask her if she wants to register and join in this forum, it is up to her but you have all given me such helpful advice, i did not know which way to turn when she told me she wanted to report it as i did not know who she could contact seeing as the police treated her badly, the first time she was raped was not as an escort and so she is saying if the police treated her so bad when she was not an escort, how would they treat her if she reported a rape as an escort? i can only support her and have urged her to report him, but i will come back and contact you if i need some more help. if anyone wants to email her any advice i can give you her email in private message i am sure she will welcome all advice thank you once again

holly x

Miss Jameson

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Re: rape
« Reply #10 on: 29 June 2010, 12:30:57 am »
Whoa there, we have a buddy scheme here in the UK which helps to keep individual SP's safe.

As Amy said, if a guy is intent on raping a lady, then he will do so, regardless of any screening processes.

In the UK, what we do is quite legal, so I personally would have no qualms about going to the authorities. Where you are it's illegal, right ?

I think the buddy system sounds nice...

And yes, in the US it's illegal ANY way you put a spin on it. LOL

But for the same reason, it's a tighter community of ladies and gentlemen. The boards and forums are so huge that there are ladies who make their living off of review forums alone . It's like a club, when you're in you're in. If one of these guys were to rob or rape a lady, they're added to two nationwide Do Not See lists. They'll never get a date anywhere else. But you are absolutely right. It doesn't stop it from happening.

My normal way of doing things doesn't consist of being available same day, or same week in most cases. I don't list my number in my ads to avoid calls. 96% of my inquiries are serious. My clients and I communicate quite a bit once his interest has been made known.  When I get to London that's going to change for me, and I have to be comfortable with the gents I meet. Please understand where I'm coming from, ladies. I mean no disrespect and as you can see I will need all the help I can get.

This is my worst case scenario, being far from home and having something happen to me like the OP's friend. And no one has been forthcoming about really being safe, or screening methods (is there a reason for that? I mean, are you worried about the gents finding out about it? Honestly I'm confused.). For the most part, "we have our ways" is all I hear. If the situation were on the other foot, I would make sure you had all the resources available to you. And I mean it, ladies. There should be no reason if you ever decide to tour the US you feel thrown to the wolves. I am an open book, and I will always try to impart as much wisdom as I can when you ladies need help.

Amy, you're one of the few ladies that states on your site that you will be checked out. And I've checked out a lot of ladies' websites. But before you, everyone's like "Call me! All I need is an hour!" And I'm sure everyone has their methods. Just that no one says it out loud. All I'm sayin'.

But if I were raped, I would feel comfortable saying so here, and telling you what I did and asking you ladies what you think I did wrong. What you would've done differently. It wouldn't bother me that the  guy could read this. At least he would know he didn't silence me. Part of that is because you can't embarrass me because I feel that we're all human. That's the worst part of being raped, feeling alienated. I have heard of instances of ladies that have had to jump out of moving cars, lucky to be alive come on certain sites and say 'I was desperate. I felt like I had no choice but to take the risk.' And I'm not saying that's the case every time something bad happens to a lady,  ::) but it's okay to admit failure to keep someone else from making the same mistake.
Miss Jameson
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amy

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Re: rape
« Reply #11 on: 29 June 2010, 12:40:22 am »
Holly, you have a PM  :).

Harlow

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Re: rape
« Reply #12 on: 29 June 2010, 09:50:48 am »
Hi,

All has been said really. But please will you let us know how it all turns out for her.

H xx