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Author Topic: generous client didn't pay  (Read 6782 times)

Sahrbear

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generous client didn't pay
« on: 27 April 2012, 10:23:28 am »
weird situation.

I have a semi-regular client. he has always been super generous, taking me out to expensive restaurants, he gave me a smartphone and gifts worth several hundred pounds. But the other day i did a 3-some with him and another WG. He only fucked her and i basically just watched and kissed her a bit. but then he asked if we wanted to sleep over. I knew he wasn't going to pay for an all nighter and i was tired so i said i would go home. he was obviously disappointed but then when they taxi came he gave me cab fare and didn't pay me for the threesome.

It's weird cause he has been so generous in the past, but I'm worried, since he gave me two very expensive gifts that night, maybe he thinks he paid me with those? Or cause we didn't have sex (though he came all over my chest) or cause I didn't stay over. I don't know. I should have said something but it was just weird and I didn't want to offend him while the taxi was waiting and the other WG was still there.

I'm so confused and I didn't say anything cause I didn't want to seem selfish after he'd given me all that stuff. he also invited me on a trip away "all expenses paid" but now I realise I don't think he is expecting to pay for my time.

So anyway I don't know what he's thinking but for me it's not about the money it's about the fact that I did sex stuff with him without any money exchanging hands and it makes me feel quite icky. Does that make sense?

Mellow

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #1 on: 27 April 2012, 10:32:38 am »
If you are going to see this guy again you need to sort out some boundaries him asap as its clear  he is pushing them bigtime.

Personnally I always insist on payment upfront, this guy knows full well its not acceptable not to pay (whatever gifts he has given you) but your confusion allowed him to get away with it.

I think its the boundary pushing that's making you feel so uncomfortable.
« Last Edit: 27 April 2012, 10:35:36 am by Mellow »

ana30

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #2 on: 27 April 2012, 10:38:57 am »
You get payed for your time -in money, not gifts-. if he wants to treat you with flowers or an ipod that's fine, but that's a "gift". I personally find it incredibly insulting that you didn't get payed for your sevices (specially a threesome which is a lot of work).

Me thinks he: a) Forgot (which I doubt)  or b)  He's "punishing you" in a very passive agressive way for not spending the night with him as he wished,

So send him a very short and polite text/e-mail right away in the lines of:
"Hiya John, I'm afraid you forgot to pay my tariff last night for a three hour threesome so I'm just adding it to the rate on our next appointment"

See what he says but be careful with this guy because  he sounds like the manipulative type. And don't be naive, there's  a reason why he's showering you with gifts: He's trying to buy you.
« Last Edit: 27 April 2012, 10:44:21 am by Ana30 »
Mornings were made for sleeping, wild sex and bacon.

Sahrbear

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #3 on: 27 April 2012, 10:53:25 am »
Thanks girls for the quick replies! You're both so right and I messaged him to tell him so. awkward but nescessary.

As always, thank you, you beautiful women of saafe!

EvaBeeva

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #4 on: 27 April 2012, 11:29:21 am »
No money = no sex.

You'll have to make that clear to him.

A girlfriend will give him sex for free, a platonic friend will give him time for free, but you are neither.  You are an employee in a way, so your time is money.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused

lady c

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #5 on: 27 April 2012, 12:05:28 pm »
hi miss london  i agree with the girls above, why did u not simply ask for your payment i am sure the other wg would have, don,t let this man take advantage a gift is a gift you offer services for apayment he needs to accept this, good luck x

EmilyJones

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #6 on: 27 April 2012, 12:06:47 pm »
So anyway I don't know what he's thinking but for me it's not about the money it's about the fact that I did sex stuff with him without any money exchanging hands and it makes me feel quite icky. Does that make sense?

There's nothing more I can add to the posts above about getting the cash up front because that's just what needs to happen in our work - I just wanted to say that I can totally empathise with your 'icky' feeling about this, so please don't feel alone in that. What we do is sell sexual services for money and it's totally different (as in, in a different mental category) to having sex for fun and pleasure. If you don't get paid for your work you're left in this totally annoying/gross situation where because you weren't paid, it seems like the experience should go in the 'sex for fun' category - but it certainly doesn't belong there! So the experience just floats around your brain making you feel uncomfortable. Or at least, that's how it works for me. I have clear boundaries in my mind between what I do for work and what I do in my personal life so I never experience any confusion about whether a client is a client or something more, even if I like the client as a client very much, but the downside is that if something goes wrong with my work process (e.g. not getting paid up front), I can feel very uncomfortable until I fix it.

I really hope this guy pays you your fee. I personally tend to avoid the guys who try to blur the boundaries of the paid-sex situation, e.g. indicating that they are looking for a sugar-baby or "special girlfriend" etc because, as you can probably gather, I find it pretty excruciating working outside my preferred way! I like cash up-front and a fairly simple transactional situation (not cold or unfriendly, just simple and straight-forward for both parties!), rather than endless time-consuming dinners and expensive gifts alongside constant stress wondering whether I'm going to get paid properly so that I can pay my rent and bills. It's fine to work in whatever way you like, of course, and I have had one or two "sugar daddy"-type clients in the past but they were quite difficult to manage which is why I tend to avoid them. It's too easy for them to get confused and "forget" to pay properly, at which point I would just be disgusted and furious with their behaviour so I just don't want to go there!

I'm sure you can remedy this particular situation, though. We all have that moment in our escorting career where the "get paid up front EVERY TIME" rule is painfully reinforced by someone trying to rip us off; it's a bit of a pain but at the end of the day it's a very valuable lesson so as long as we learn it when we're given the opportunity to, it can protect us in the long-term. :)
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secretcallgirl91

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #7 on: 27 April 2012, 12:31:59 pm »
Why didnt you take the money before hand? I always take the payment before I do anything, regular or newbie x
Sometimes it's not the youngest or the richest clients you want or the ones you have most in common with.

For me the perfect partner is one where I never have to be myself.

EvaBeeva

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #8 on: 27 April 2012, 01:00:40 pm »
It's an easy mistake to make, I've made it twice!

You become lulled into a false sense of security by their generosity, until one day the money is not there (luckily no sex had happened when I discovered that) OR they start paying you less than you expected (while still happy to pay the rates of other girls).

Familiarity breeds contempt as they say. 
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused

secretcallgirl91

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #9 on: 27 April 2012, 01:03:09 pm »
It's an easy mistake to make, I've made it twice!

You become lulled into a false sense of security by their generosity, until one day the money is not there (luckily no sex had happened when I discovered that) OR they start paying you less than you expected (while still happy to pay the rates of other girls).

Familiarity breeds contempt as they say.

Yes that is a fair point I have to agree on. I hope london honey gets her money! x
Sometimes it's not the youngest or the richest clients you want or the ones you have most in common with.

For me the perfect partner is one where I never have to be myself.

Jan10

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #10 on: 27 April 2012, 01:49:41 pm »
You must feel really confused and hurt. And I think that is how some men work. Lull you into a false sense of security and then start messing your head around. The gifts are just that. A gift, his choice to give you them or not. But the payment is what he should be giving you regardless of whether you stayed the night or not. Sometime I feel my heart sinking when a client returns because 9/10 I have to ask him for the money. I am sorry no matter how many times he has come to see me I will not trust him as I have had men put the money out of reach I have gone to count it only to find it short.

You'd think you could trust them once you get to know them but some of them just take the piss! Phoning for a booking but think its okay to tell you they only have X amount of money. Sorry, I don't want them dictating to me how much they are prepared to pay and have told them politely please only phone when you have my correct fee. Would you go to a store and tell them at the checkout you only had ???s for a much expensive shopping bill, why on earth do you think its okay to treat an escort like that?

I will never understand that. This job can be difficult as it is but to have someone just ignore paying you can be very confusing. Make sure you get the money he owes you and in future get it upfront as being a regular means diddly squat nowadays.
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Phoenix

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #11 on: 27 April 2012, 05:34:35 pm »
I really feel for you  :-* It's the sort of thing that could happen to any of us with a Client we think we know well.

I agree with Emily in that I feel extremely uncomfortable if a session isn't going as I schedule in advance. If I don't have the money handed over within 5/10 minutes of my arrival - no matter how long I have known them- I start to feel irritated, but this irritation serves me well and If it wasn't forthcoming I would be out of the door long before any action was underway and I have no doubt there is the odd regular out there who would happily let me 'forget' to ask for the money.

I'm glad you have emailed this chancer. His response will tell you where you stand now with him but I personally would not be able to let it lie until I had every penny owed - even offering his gifts back as "recompense" should things turn nasty.

Also, him cumming over your chest is still very much a sexual service, cheeky little blighter!  :P

Please let us know how he responds? XX

Sahrbear

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #12 on: 27 April 2012, 10:07:21 pm »
Thanks so much girls! I messaged him about it and he didn't reply so I suppose no money honey.  :FF

I didn't take it upfront cause I've seen him so many times and ahh I'm just still so awkward about the money thing and with regulars I so often don't ask for it upfront. I think I'm going to have to give them all a spiel.


Anyway you're all so wonderful so thank you heaps for your advice and support! I was at swish today and they were so lovely and said that the confidence to be assertive and stand up for myself will come with time. I'm working on it but I'm better than I was two months ago. Silly boys though, I've had far too many think that we get on well so sex will now be for free. Need to lay down the rules with clients from the get go.

xoxox

Happy friday night!!

ana30

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #13 on: 27 April 2012, 10:57:20 pm »
Keep us updated with his response :-). That's going to be an interesting one  ;D
Mornings were made for sleeping, wild sex and bacon.

Liverbird

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Re: generous client didn't pay
« Reply #14 on: 28 April 2012, 12:16:28 am »
Hi London!
So feel for you, being robbed by this regular client of yours. I know you must be kicking yourself but even more so, must feel like a trust has been betrayed by him and he's the one who should be feeling the pain. Instead, he's probably sitting at home feeling like the smug git that he is! Or was he a little bit in love with you? Brought the other wg in to see if he could get you jealous? Either way, he's on a hiding to nothing and you are well rid!
Did you know the other wg btw? Introduce him to her? Or did he contact her seperately?
Take care,
Wiley.xx