SAAFE

Oral with or without?

There are regular debates around the scene on the pros and cons of performing oral with, or without a condom. At the end of the day, its a personal choice and some do it with and some without. Opinion is divided unlike the debate regarding bareback penetration for which the majority are clearly against it, seeing it as a very dangerous activity undertaken only by those who have little regard for their own and others sexual health. Expert advice and figures can be found around the net and through your local sexual health (GUM) clinic..

Here are two views, the first from a lady who prefers with (OW) and the second from a lady who practises oral without a condom (OWO).

"When I first entered the arena of selling sex my first boss [having one what with me being a parlour girl] advised me that unless I 'specialized' [i.e. offered oral without protection and anal with protection] sex I wouldn't earn a good wage. I would take home a daily average amount far below that which her 'best girls' [and indeed herself in her actively working career] could expect as a daily profit.

At the time I was very ignorant of the ways of the sex trade, I had no reason [other than the general media stereotype] to suspect that she wasn't being anything other than honest. And looking back still do believe that she genuinely felt that what she advised me was true. It was in both our interests that I made as much profit as possible.

However something made me feel ill at ease with the idea of giving clients oral sex without a condom. Don't get me wrong, within my personal sex life with partners I choose rather than those that pay me to provide a service I adore and revel in making a man cum into my mouth. I consider it to be one of the most intimate arousing & fulfilling acts that a man & woman can take part in. Maybe & probably that is part of the reason for my natural instinctive reluctance to provide it as a service? Who knows? I also had concerns about the risk involved regarding STI's. Having had a friend that had been unlucky enough to be infected orally and witnessing how painful and unattractive the effects could be.

So I decided from day one not to offer oral without protection. I still made plenty of money. In fact after a short time it became apparent that I actually made more money than any of the girls I was working with. And clients commented that they felt more comfortable knowing there was less risk of me carrying any STI's. So my boss wasn't right.

When I ended up [unintentionally] running a parlour I made it a rule that no oral without protection would be offered. Local competition found this amusing and predicted that the parlour would close through lack of trade. Within 3 months other local parlours were following our policy to try and bring back trade that they lost.

If you are comfortable providing unprotected oral that is fine, I respect everyones choices about how they work. But don't agree to provide any service because you feel you have to in order to compete with other sex workers and attract business. It simply isn't true. The most important factor when doing this job is feeling safe and working within your personal comfort zone."

"Why do I offer oral without a condom? Well to be honest, when I started escorting it never entered my head that anyone would use a condom for oral sex. I'd always loved giving blow jobs and the power I felt it gave me over a man. I love licking and sucking and watching their eyes roll and their toes curl as they get closer to the edge - maybe you can achieve that with a condom on but I personally like the end result on my face. I do have many regular clients and probably do more oral than I do penetration but in this business there is a market for everyone and everything so I concur with the above in that you should not offer services to compete with others - set out your own boundaries, deliver them to your best ability and watch the clients return. Some seek me out as a oral without provider, others will seek out a provider who specifically does not offer oral without - some ladies offer it at discretion which basically means they will if they like the look of the guy and his penis.

As for risks, my health adviser at the GUM clinic will always recommend using a condom for oral sex but will also tell me that its risks are low certainly when compared to bareback penetration ( a real no no). Personally speaking, I have been offering oral without as a service for 7 years and each check up at the clinic has been clear - at some clinics you will have to ask for a throat swab as its not always routine - and I have yet to hear of anyone picking up a sexual disease through oral sex. That said if a guy came to me with a cold sore (herpes), I would not let him kiss or give oral to me and I would hope that if a lady had a cold sore that she would take the day off or offer very limited services.

I cant find any figures of the numbers of people who have not caught a disease through oral sex and I'm unlikely to be able to do so hence quantative data is out of the question. This means I have to rely on personal accounts and I have not personally heard of anyone who has caught (or who is admitting to catching) a sexual disease through giving oral sex.

Yes there are risks - please read the STI page and talk to your sexual health adviser at your local GUM clinic for expert advice which you will need to consider when deciding what to offer as a service because again, at the end of the day, you need to feel comfortable with the service you are providing."